Why do we do things we do?! Why is it that no matter how hard we try...how hard we work at something...it ends up biting us in the ass. I guess that is life. I guess we are distend to fail. No matter what we do...we will fail in one way or another. I have felt and most likely you have too. To be whole is to eff your life up. There seems to be no mercy to the pain. Nothing that will satisfy the dying of our souls. I feel like I am alone. I feel that life is meant to be lived alone. That for us to feel right with ourselves...we must only live ...with ourselves. Why live it with others? because they make us happy? that is what they want you to believe. that others make you happy. Yes they do...for a while. They do momentarily. But why not forever? We live in a shit hole where everyone is covered with shit. No one speaks the truth for all that comes out is more shit. You can pretty up the ugliest things in the world and it'll still be only shit. We can put stuff in its place by not doing a damn thing. Why can't we be put in our own places without doing anything?! Life seems to be short and sucks. Why go through the shit we do for such a small f#*king time! ugh...dont take this blog as a forever view. Its temporary Im sure. We'll see. Kill me now.
(currently listening to T.O.A.B. by Sevendust)
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2 comments:
WOW! Bad day eh?? You already know there is opposition in all things. So yes, we do experience the bad to fully appreciate the good. We have to learn to make ourselves happy first. Other people enrich our lives, but only you are in charge of your happiness. And who wants to be alone. YES, other people truly do enrich our lives. And you attract what you are. Unless you want to find a girl who thinks the world is "effed" and "full of sh.." maybe you should rethink what you write for all to read? I'm an optimist. I know you'll get through this. I also know you're smart; very smart. Be smart! You know what to do to make yourself happy. Why keep suffering?? Change your internal dialogue; it's dark! Stop listening to what you listen to. You're smart. Be smart!
P.S. I really enjoyed seeing you at Thanksgiving. The eyes are the window to the soul. Deej, you have kind eyes; they are beautiful eyes. And you still give hugs and have a great smile. You are an amazing man; remember that. Believe it! I know I come across as a mom-type with my words. I can't help it. I'm a mom. I also love my cousin VERY much and I hate to see you unhappy. I've also know how it felt to be lonely, have questions, and be sad. It's a hard place to be. The good news is, you'll get through it. Don't stay there; it's painful. Get through it.
I think you need to talk to someone. You are never alone when family is around. Please call me or we can set up at time to get together and talk. Believe me, many of us have been at the bottom of that barrel and it stinks. The only way to go is up. You support system is here. Remember I love you.
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