Seek up

What is it that drives us to accomplish so much, or so little in our days? Why do you get up? Why do I get up in the mornings? What mindset are we living in? Are we constantly bowing to 'The Man' in our everyday lives? I'd say most of us are. Most of us do things that we dont really want to do, but do them to feel satisfied by 'The Man'. Gettin the ol' 'Pat on the back' from our fellow colleagues is what most of us want/need. Why is that? Are we all just too scared to face life alone? Face what the world truly is? I would say that that is one of the strongest motivators that we'd have each day. To feel wanted is like being hugged by the sun on a chilly morning. We all love it and want more of it, so we bend to every which way that 'the man' demands. We, as in the community, are getting better at being who we are, but still when I walk around campus at UVU I am baffled by the amount of 'Cookie Cutters' (I like to call them) that are around here. You all know who I'm talking about too(unless you are one of them, then I'm sorry you cannot grasp what I am saying). They all go by the names of John, Jenny, Ashely, and Devin. I swear every other person you meet has that as a first or second name. (I love it when they give themselves nic names like J-Dawg of Devo) cucky, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Ah the perks of being a Wallflower.

I feel that oneself should be identified as an individual, so that he/she is comfortable being who he/she is around EVERYONE! It is sickening to me to see so many people here in Utah county live behind a mask. I swear if everyone went into the doctor and asked them if they had a double personality, 95% of them would be diagnosed. Everyone here judges, everyone here lacks respect, everyone here is fake. Why would I say such things? Because one...its true...two ...its true...and three...its also true. example number one; people here claim to not be from here(though you and I both know that they moved here when they were like two years old). Also, people who have done something such as rock climb once, lie and claim that they are a genuine rock climber and know oh so much about it. FAKE!! ALL FAKE!! I wish everyone would be honest and open. If that were the case there would be a whole lot less stress in peoples lives.

As for me, I think that people are scared to be themselves because of disappointment and because, God forbid they do anything wrong due to the fact that we live in a "perfect world" here in Utah County. Do I love it here? Yeah, it is beautiful...I'm happy to claim this as where I grew up most of my life and this is home. The reason why people are scared is the same reason why 19 year old kids go on missions. Everyone just goes with the flow and if there is slightest thought of denial they are damned. This is a problem, and a big one of that. No one kid should do things just because his parents or their church tells them that they should do this one thing; or live your life this one way and if you don't...well then you are damned again. I went on a LDS Mission and it was wonderful. But there were so many people out there that should not have been there. If YOU want to go and serve your church then do it for YOU not for your parents or the church but for YOURSELF. This is where there is a problem though... a 19 year old boy cannot say no to serving a mission because if he did then the gossip would start. The damn gossip that infects the LDS church here in Utah...everyone will start to wonder why this 19 year old didn't go on a mission? and he is instantly labeled as a 'Bad kid'. No way...that is messed up. No matter how much your deny it, you all know that this true. You are all blind to see that everyone has their certain values, not everyone was made to be a missionary and made to be out there "trying to find himself". There are things that we learn either way. Be who you are, don't try and be someone else due to the fact of fear.

I look around and people are holding their personal sign that STATE they are Christian...but it is just simply that, a statement. There is nothing Christlike about them. For a true Christian would be willing to not judge and be willing to face life and know there are ups and downs and they'd truly help their fellow friends and family. ugh...it sickens me to see older members of the LDS church get up early every morning and do two hours of studies in the scriptures, and pray and then treat everyone like crap, and expect 'blessings' from there God. They look down on others that aren't as holy as themselves. I could go on, but these are just a few thoughts I had for the day...The great thing is that the sun will always rise, and the light will always fall upon those places that have been so dark for sometime and a new plant will grow in that spot. People change, and people grow. That is a remarkable thing...we all change and all grow...some of us are beautiful flowers others are weeds...but we all can love and grow and become the best of what we are. We all drink water, and receive nourishment through the sun and rich soul. Don't drink your neighbors poison that he swears is water. Be cautious. Be loving...give more than you receive. Choose not to be blind...choose to live and choose to be you.

(Currently listening to Not At Home by Peter Broderick)