Runnin for light

On a warm summer day do you ever find yourself laying on a blanket basking in the sunlight and after you feel comfortable and doze off once or twice you realize that you're in the shade? Well I do and I feel that way now, living in Seattle is a a beautiful experience and a magical one of that. There are many cold spots here as there are else where, but being that I am here I'm related to dark spots here...capish?! ha.. So there you be chillin in life as you know it, and then all of the sudden BAM!! You feel that cold. If really comes from no where and I guess its not a sudden reckoning of the sort, but more of a instant realization that you are say ten to fifteen degrees colder. Kinda like that whole frog in a boiling pot of water analogy. I am currently wearing flip flops on a rainy day and people are looking at me like I am crazy! but hey..that is what I found comfy first thing this morning so that is what they get...no fashionista here today my friend. Anyways back to what I was saying about the cold spots. I just realized it on this past Sunday and went to an older gentleman much like my father and asked for advice...advice that changed my current temperature from cold to warmer...it was good and it felt good. Made me smile for that day. May we all continue on smiling throughout our days. Peace and Love

Just goof'n around

Lovin today...its a good one. Now just kickin it at home soaking it all in...breathing...and most importantly...smilin. Love it. There are so many changes going on in my families life...its pretty sad and rad at the same time. My sisters are havin bebes and loven dem...my other sister is coming home from a year and a half stay from the Philippines. She was a representative for the Latter-day Saints church. She's going to sound so awesome with her accent she picked up there. Also my only blood brother is moving away to Florida...sadness. I am going to miss him much...just gotta get my butt up to Salt Lake and spend a couple of days with him before he peaces out on us. Love ya bro. The only thing to do now is to wait till I move onto another job. Desperately looking around for anything that will pay me an assistant to a managers pay...want it? or need it? BOTH!! 'Gotta have it!' Just like the Cold Stone size... that made me giggle a bit...there are a lot of people that I love and a lot more that I would love to love more! ha! I went skating with my roomies today...we first went over to UVU and quickly got bored...so we went over to the skate park where I made a big fool of myself, seeing that I haven't gone skating for over eight years...I could barely jump let alone skate around... so I just ended up sitting around watching everyone until the time came to peace out. It was fun though...not to bad for killing a couple hours. That be all for now... peace and love people.

(Currently listening to Everyday by Dave Matthews Band)

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There is a huge lack of friends in my life. I'm not blaming anyone or everyone for this problem...I blame only myself. I blame myself for keeping my mouth closed and not interacting with people like normal folks would do. I tend to listen...I tend to try and feel things out, rather than just saying 'fuck it, I'm going to be me to be me.' This is a problem, a problem of which I need to change and need to perfect(to the best of my ability at least). As a result to having this lack of friends I am here to talk. Here to feel out my life and re-think things and see who I really am. Ya know, things you'd usually share or vent about with a friend over a beer or a random phone call, those kinda things. I'm not saying I have absolutely no friends, because I do...but the depths of those friendship are just not there. There is one friend of mine that I feel that with...but our current standing with each other is not the greatest...maybe someday...but for now I have you Bloggy Blog... Thanks for bein there for me.

Its funny when you think that you are workin on parts of your life, you actually feel like it is getting better...but everyones view of progression is set at their own speed... Its crazy weird. Welcome to random thoughts of DJs brain. You know what else I am thinking?! Why the hell are my toes so cold is such a warm room? Why do people love? Why do mice love peanut butter? humm....everyday thoughts I guess. I wish I could just talk to my friends. Wish they could give me like just five minutes too listen to me. Reach out. care. There are so many things I could say...share...be. humm...I dont think I want to share anymore. So for now I think that this is it. Thanks blog...

(Currently listening to Ants Marching by Dave Matthews Band)

Full Moons are reflected from the Sun Soul

To give one your hand and to feel her ever so touch your face, is something less than a miracle in my eyes. I could feel lost in the traffic jams of my life, and inpatient at those stop lights from hell, but all those daily frustrations are eased by my angel who walks with me. When I am not even around her, I feel her energy. I feel the thoughts. I see the heart beats. And what do I do? I smile and no matter where I am...I know things are possible and that I am home. Even if I had no home...she is home. We are love. I wake to the sun shining in my blinds...and instead of closing them tighter...I open them with love. I see her in the sun, and I feel her in its rays. Will you warm my heart, as you warm my skin? I know you will...I know you have it in you. I can feel it, and I can feel you wanting. We both want it. I know you will feel secure as you warm my soul. The solid foundation will become more secure as you become more trusting and loving.

I look out now and see half a moon. Half a beautiful moon that is reflecting the suns light to those who cannot enjoy the sun at this time. I am the moon, and you are my sun. Together we can reach most people. Together...we are complete.

I am happy right now. Not for where the road might lead, or from where I have come. I am happy for my position for now, for today. I am breathing. I am here. I feel. I know that you feel, that you know. That you can see and smile. These things make me happy. The little things are my favorite. Why do I find so much joy in these things?! I feel as if I am still a 4 year old DJ who loves the feel of a rough rock, or the taste of snow and the feeling it makes on my tongue. I'm a 4 year old in a 26 year old body and damn proud of it. Who wants to blow some bubbles with me?! I am happy for who I am, and feel solid for who I've become and where I am going. My smile grows larger everyday I feel the sun. She is. One Love.

(Currently listening to A Slow Parade by A.A. Bondy)

the rasp from her voice might heal

I have surrounded myself with plants. Friends with no voices. They give me each breath I breathe in my sleep and during my time at home. They are my family. The thing they don't notice is that life is slowly seeping out of me, like sap from an aspen. There seems to be no healing of it. Maybe I just need to breath closer to my plants to speed up my intake to overcompensate the loss of life. Mother Earth makes me happy with what she provides to me. I am in love with the life she bears, but it doesn't seem to heal the hole in my soul. I will just learn to deal with it like I have been for the past 26 years of my life.

Breathe me, be me, hold me, show me, touch me, kiss me. These are daily hopes and dreams. Love me now for me. Love me then for nothing. I am the mud slipping between your fingers. I am unable to be held by anyone. But try. I beg you. Want some gum?

(Currently listening to The Long Day Is Over by Norah Jones)

Scared the poop outta me!

So about two weeks ago my roommates and I have noticed these two cats hanging around our trash can...One is a bigger, fuzzy, black cat with very pretty eyes, and the other is brownish with stripes. They are very afraid of us, which makes me kinda sad, but they have probably been abused so they have that entitlement. Anyway, my mom bought a big bag of dry cat food for one dollar and gave it to me, which I was very appreciative for.

So when I got home today I was unloading my groceries and saw the cat food, so I quickly opened it and when out to the backside of our trashcan where these cats sleep and eat. Mind you that our wonderful green trashcan now has a giant hole and crack on the backside thanks to the tender love and care given by our wonderful trash men. Anyways, so I was dumping the cat food in the empty tuna can we had back there and next thing I knew there was a HUGE sound right by my side like thunder and then out of the corner of my eye I saw a black figure dart past me which sent me instantly to my feet, cat food flying everywhere, and me falling back against our garage door, arms way out in hopes something will support my stagger. After the hairs on my arms laid back down and my heart started to slow again...I saw in our yard those two very same eyes...it was that black cat that scared the poop out of me. I was just glad to know it was the cat and not something else. So I crouched back down next to the garbage and hole where the cat came out of and finished pouring cat food into the tuna can. My scare for a life time was today. I hope it never happens again. I later put out a big bowl of milk and some shrimp for them. I'm a sucker I guess, but it makes me feel good. Smiles ladies and gents....smiles.

(Currently listening to Best of What's Around(album; Complete Weekend at Red Rocks) by Dave Matthews Band)

My own personal photoshoot