The Daily Moo

Ones heart exposed

2012-01-26T08:43:00.000-08:00

Its pretty interesting how evolution has taken its toll on this world, and how we are prone to evolve ourselves to become the person we need to be. Events will happen time and time again, if they be dampeners or just merely work for your benefit. Interesting to see yourself unfold to your true self, or at least what you perceive yourself as. The beauty of it all is to see change. Our lives are beautiful and there is an on going reel of life projected in the highest definition possible. Even in the 'ugly' there is found 'beauty'.

I've heard it before but during such events that rattle you to your core, what proves progress is what we do from that point. Will we allow that to break us down and deface who we are; or are we going to allow that to break us down so we can grow and strengthen ourselves? This is where your true self will be on the table and judged. This is where you'll know what you are really worth, and how you perceive yourself. Make sure your head is held high, and make sure you don't drop yourself. Growth is what is good. Growth is possible even in the unhealthiest of environments. Keep your head up, because I am.

(Currently listening to England by The National)

Do you realize?!

2012-01-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

One of my many favorites when it comes to creators of music, and experimentalists are these guys; both The Flaming Lips as well as Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. These guys have a very acute level of expression, but the minute you do tap into that you are blown away by the messages that they are portraying and how wonderful and simple it is.

This video is one of my favorites that they did before one of their shows in LA. They came and set up in a graveyard looking to play the one song, 'Do you Realize?' and those who heard the music and were just walking by were their audience. So cool, and along what Wayne says their message is, I feel it deeper then what he could express at that moment. I feel they set up and playing in a graveyard wanting passers by to stop and listen and forget about their anxiety and stress that they have that day and remember it is important to enjoy life and your happiness at all times before it is too late you are set underground like the thousands that were there present, yet not. I feel this was a main point that he had just verbally touched while there. Love em, and love their complete different path that is not mainstream in anyway. Love it!

Toss it in the trash and lets start a new one

2012-01-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

Total overhaul on its way into my life as I know it. Someone once said that the definition of Insanity is constantly doing the same thing over and over expecting new results. Feels like this is what I may have been experiencing over the past few months and seeing very few results. I need to break out of it all and become a very different, more experienced 27 year old and get going on my career. 'Add weight to it', as a wise man once put it, in describing my progression in my career. Where am I going to be going with all of my progression you may ask? I dont fully know, but I do know where I have interests and what I need to do to get to that point of succeeding in those. There are a number of must do's for all of this to happen.

First of all, I am extremely dampened in life by the debt I owe. Need to eliminate this completely to progress and give me more options in life. This will happen in the first month of this year. If I am scraping for food, gas, entertainment, so be it...this needs to be gonzo for good. So step one is in progress. Step two, getting those interests in career to come to light...learn, get dirty, move forward, as long as I am moving forward and not stationary this is what I am pushing for. Third, have my own place again, buy my personal freedom and make sure that is well established and a sacred place for my progression and love for life. Make sure that this place is where I can re-energize and every day leaving that place feel as if a canon has shot me out to kill my target that day and make sure it happens even in the most minuet way. Done. Be financially stable, mentally and physically healthy, and maintain a constant happiness that will not only effect my progression but hopefully make those with whom I associate feel better about themselves.

An additional personal strive is also to break out of my personal bubble of being comfortable...obviously it hasn't gotten me to where I want to be, so I got to do one thing a day that scares me, I relate that to one thing that requires me to step out of my bubble. I have done this pretty constantly through out the past few months, and it is getting better. By doing this I believe life will provide me with new opportunities and new options in a career base. Done! Try it yourself... I believe if you feel its scary and interesting...it'll be good for you, let alone for the experience. Explore the unknown, and be uncomfortable. Keep living on the edge, not so much as Steven Tyler explains one should, but do it in a progressing level. I believe it'll help. Lets see this happen. Make yer life an experiment. Give it a go. Keep well, Love and Peace

(Currently listening to Blacked Eye Pea by Galactic)

At times, Puzzle pieces do fall in place

2011-12-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

As the year comes to a close I cant help but look back and see what the highlights were that happen throughout 2011. It was a truly a growing year for me, I was able to redirect my life, build more of a solid foundation and all the while growing and establishing new friendships. There have been a few very crucial individuals that have emotionally struck me deep and have accepted me in and we've had nothing but love and good times ever since. A huge part of my growth has come from mirroring what I've learned over time off of them, and it has done nothing but help me grow, and establish the man I am as well as becoming. I am very much pleased with the way this year has turned out, exiting this year I see good time as well as bad time, and situations that could have been better, but all-in-all 2011's cup was definitely half full.

I loved and appreciated every minute of every month that I had. I feel the most influential soundtrack to this year was my new love for the band, The National. I have a huge appreciation for many musicians and groups and those haven't diminished in the slightest, but I would say my soul was definitely lifted by lead vocalist, Matt Berninger and the music created by The National. When you first listen to a song it's as if you were seated your whole life in a stuffed up room and for the first time you leave, you exit with much angst and the second you throw open that door you're engulfed with fresh, crisp air that swirls around you, heals your soul, lifts your spirit and takes your level of consciousness to a whole other high yet to have experience. If you've never listened to a song, listen to the song below, put some good sounding headphones on, turn it up and let the music move you.

The National took me by surprise, truth be told. I would have never anticipated that they would have effected me in the way they have this year. I very am excited to see them live for the first time, and have a sing-a-long to their songs with a crowd over thirty-thousand. All in good time. Musicians and music fit in the appropriate times in our lives that help and boost us to a new level of subconsciousness. The National and my new friendships in 2011 were what was needed for me and my growth. I am back in control of my life in every aspect, 2012 is going to be epic, that'll be the year that I break into a full-stride sprint and accomplish the most for my life to come. I can see it as well as smell it, and I am excited! Peace and love!

(Currently listening to Fake Empire by The National, go figure)

Monotony, the silent killer.

2011-12-13T09:26:00.000-08:00

"I've made alot of mistakes, I've made alot of mistakes" -Sufjan Stevens A true statement for every one of us, but if we choose to dwell and live within this statement that is where we will find ourselves slipping into depression, and unwanted thought patterns and misunderstanding ones life in general. I know its easier said than done, but if we make those mistakes our strengths then all thats left is growth. Much like how ones muscle is after stretching and working out. If we choose to not continue with working out we will be stuck in a sore unwanted state of our body. We need to tear those muscles and let them grow and rebuild and do it over and over until we find growth from our weakness' and then by looking back seeing the pain and suffering we actually see the path our our growth. This is something that I have come to realized slowly over time, sadly over years of stagnate living and waiting for the world to give me the time of day.

If we are wanting to be noticed, if we are wanting something more than what we have right at this moment, we need to put forth the energy and express gratitude and love to those around us, and ironically we receive it back. If you want someone to express interest in you, don't sit on your hands hoping, do something about it. Smile, compliment, love, by doing these things we are moving about and putting the energy out to the world and one day if it be instantly or later you will receive that energy back. "The energy that we have have is just borrowed from the earth, and one day we give it back" -Avatar reference.

I have recently seen a lagging and monotonous living in my life over the past month. Possible from my recent breakup? I see that as a possibility, but I am needing a much needed lift and have been working on that. I start with a smile, smiles are contagious and if we show our love to others and the world we get it back, and we will grow and feel at ease. Rid yourself of hate, sometimes logic just needs to be tossed aside...move outta your stagnate life, try something new. Break out of monotony! If we dont try anything new, we will forever be living in our parents basement. Peace and love. keep well

(Currently listening to I Don't Feel it Anymore by William Fitzsimmons)

Lastest in picture

2011-10-24T20:28:00.001-07:00

As of recent

2011-05-22T10:16:00.001-07:00

Listening to Godless Brother In Love by Iron & Wine

All good things

2011-05-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

There are few but many things that bring a smile to my face. Creating new things would be one of those, either by laying letters down in an orderly fashion or strumming those correct chords to make the air dance with love and sunshine. Hearing this make me smile too, when one can bring so many differen sounds and blend them up into one sound that ties in and out of itself. Creates what we drive into our minds time and time again. We enjoy these sounds, we enjoy how it makes us feel and especially the occational goosebumps, that is when you know it is really good. I commend all that have the ability to make such sounds...this is something that I am still working at perfecting.

I would feel that one of the main contributors to ones strive in creating music is one of two feelings; Love and Hate. Happiness and sadness... These are feelings that we express and that we feel through music that weaves so mystically through the air... Even from a n outdoor concert located miles and miles away after hear brief tones will bring a crack of a smile. We need to continue this beauty, these rays of sun for our eardrums. Peace, love, happiness and music.

(currently listening to Hideaway by The Weepies)

A new day

2011-01-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

What I wouldn't give for a tall cold Pale Ale right about now... just have a hankerin for it and the idea of it makes me calm and smile... Mood stabilizers. Mood alternators. ...Happiness. Feel me turn a frown to a crooked smile that heals the earths pain. The light that comes from a smile can sooth a hundred crys. Lets us smile. Let us live. Let us laugh. Live, love, laugh? These tree L's a great but how about turning those three L's to these ones.... Laugh, laugh, laugh. For you already know you are living, and where there is laughter there is most certainly love. A friend once told me that laughter cures cancer. If you worry too much you'll die.

Don't hold it in. Let it out. Welcome each new day with laughter, for a new day is starting every minute somewhere in the world, let us celebrate that here now.

The spokes missing tooth

2010-12-15T16:56:00.000-08:00

The light is still at rest and yet the digital sunrise has awoken me. I see nothing but darkness. I push hard down on a switch and my eyes quickly adjust to the mornings darkness. This is not me. I do not want to move. I'll let the thousands of duck feathers weigh me down for one more minute..maybe two. I exhale and damn that digital rooster with my thoughts. Quick, as if I tore a band aid off a recently dried wound, I sit up and feel my blood crash inside me as an ocean surf smashes against rocks on the coast. I have a moment of disorientation followed by the daily checklist that slaps me in the face. I don't want to do any of these. I would rip up that list if I could actually grab hold of it, but there it sits in an unreachable place. My pillow starts to laugh, taunting me that he can dispose of my list for me but I viciously shake my head no and stand on the side of my temporary coffin that held me for just a few hours that night before. My feet begin to tingle and I imagine little armies trying to defend their piece of carpet and stabbing the sole of my feet with tiny spears. Unhappily, I giggle. Almost forced by a nothing. I catch my self with a new stance as I feel myself falling towards my right, and I turn that fall into a directional walk to the bathroom.

My eyes flip off the 8 Audrey Hepburn bulbs that burn with such disdain and happiness above my bathroom mirror. If only I can get to the shower, turn the temperature to boiling, and lay down in the tub I may just find a moment of goodness in this beginning. Ahh there it is, the water melts my skin and it turns a bright pink color. The bloods got to be flowing fairly well in my veins by now. What is that piercing shot of cold air hitting the back of my neck?! The curtain isn't fully closed and I slap it as if it had offended me with something it had said.
Where am I?
Why does my back and ass feel numb?
Oh...I fell asleep in the shower again.
When did my pillow slip me his evil roofies?
I sit up, shut off the shower, shove aside the unfaithful curtain and reach for my towel. A flash flood of water drains off my body and forms a growing lake of scalding water on the sides of my feet. Those tiny armies don't stand a chance here in my bathroom, they know better.
Fast forward ten minutes.
I look at myself in the mirror and those bulbs can still go to hell. I see me, but I feel like a dead corpse. Nothing can awake my sleeping innards. My eyes are not my eyes. You know how zombies have those white eyes? Ya that is me yet somehow someone switched em with those distastefully blue ones. humm...maybe if I did MJ's Thriller right now I may, just may, resemble one of his awesome zombie dancers. Nah. Wake up. Feel the flow of blood.
I slap myself.
Nothing.
I open both my mouth and eyes really wide and make a grunting sound.
Nothing.
I do my daily macheraina; keys, wallet, phone, good...and I head towards the car.
Brain fart.
Where am I going?!
Oh ya...work
I should have listened to my pillow...

I'm in a cup. Where are you?

2010-12-14T19:32:00.001-08:00

Writing. Reading. Writing. Losing. Crying. Disgust. Dying.
I find myself everyday different, yet satisfying in a strange sense of it. I find myself in the most random places and its pretty f*ckin awesome. While listening to a song that used to be played in the background of a party during high school, or reading a book that seems to have been written just for me. I find my smile in peoples laughs, and their smiles. How have I gotten here? Is this where I have been hiding while my vacant body wanders my monotonous life? It feels great to find these pieces, makes me lighten up, makes me want more. I found another piece of me in a glass of freshly pressed apple juice, and I was delicious. So cold, yet so tasty. I found another inner me while watching a movie upside-down on a green leafed couch, my smile resembled much a frown...I guess it depends on your perspective of it. Little pieces come back through every time I pop a joint in my hand, but it is strange that as quickly as I come together with all of these pieces that I find of myself they fall away that much faster. I am needed to speed up my pace of living and finding. The energy cycles hella fast through my blood these days... looks like I gotta keep to it, gotta keep meeting people, living life. Drinking the air, feeling the hardness of it all......life

Feel it I know you want too. Find it you will if you only allow it. Be you in the sense of sense. You never know who you are unless you let your guard down. I feel like we tend to be too involved in who we would like to be and yet we have NEVER stopped to smell the roses. I like finding bits of me hidden everywhere in random things and people, on the lips of a woman, being able to feel the goosebumps that you sense in the next year to come. Smiley face. Frowny face. They are both the same if you view them with the right mindset and perspective.

Runnin for light

2010-10-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

On a warm summer day do you ever find yourself laying on a blanket basking in the sunlight and after you feel comfortable and doze off once or twice you realize that you're in the shade? Well I do and I feel that way now, living in Seattle is a a beautiful experience and a magical one of that. There are many cold spots here as there are else where, but being that I am here I'm related to dark spots here...capish?! ha.. So there you be chillin in life as you know it, and then all of the sudden BAM!! You feel that cold. If really comes from no where and I guess its not a sudden reckoning of the sort, but more of a instant realization that you are say ten to fifteen degrees colder. Kinda like that whole frog in a boiling pot of water analogy. I am currently wearing flip flops on a rainy day and people are looking at me like I am crazy! but hey..that is what I found comfy first thing this morning so that is what they get...no fashionista here today my friend. Anyways back to what I was saying about the cold spots. I just realized it on this past Sunday and went to an older gentleman much like my father and asked for advice...advice that changed my current temperature from cold to warmer...it was good and it felt good. Made me smile for that day. May we all continue on smiling throughout our days. Peace and Love

Just goof'n around

2010-02-17T20:43:00.000-08:00

Lovin today...its a good one. Now just kickin it at home soaking it all in...breathing...and most importantly...smilin. Love it. There are so many changes going on in my families life...its pretty sad and rad at the same time. My sisters are havin bebes and loven dem...my other sister is coming home from a year and a half stay from the Philippines. She was a representative for the Latter-day Saints church. She's going to sound so awesome with her accent she picked up there. Also my only blood brother is moving away to Florida...sadness. I am going to miss him much...just gotta get my butt up to Salt Lake and spend a couple of days with him before he peaces out on us. Love ya bro. The only thing to do now is to wait till I move onto another job. Desperately looking around for anything that will pay me an assistant to a managers pay...want it? or need it? BOTH!! 'Gotta have it!' Just like the Cold Stone size... that made me giggle a bit...there are a lot of people that I love and a lot more that I would love to love more! ha! I went skating with my roomies today...we first went over to UVU and quickly got bored...so we went over to the skate park where I made a big fool of myself, seeing that I haven't gone skating for over eight years...I could barely jump let alone skate around... so I just ended up sitting around watching everyone until the time came to peace out. It was fun though...not to bad for killing a couple hours. That be all for now... peace and love people.

(Currently listening to Everyday by Dave Matthews Band)

-

2010-02-08T21:35:00.000-08:00

There is a huge lack of friends in my life. I'm not blaming anyone or everyone for this problem...I blame only myself. I blame myself for keeping my mouth closed and not interacting with people like normal folks would do. I tend to listen...I tend to try and feel things out, rather than just saying 'fuck it, I'm going to be me to be me.' This is a problem, a problem of which I need to change and need to perfect(to the best of my ability at least). As a result to having this lack of friends I am here to talk. Here to feel out my life and re-think things and see who I really am. Ya know, things you'd usually share or vent about with a friend over a beer or a random phone call, those kinda things. I'm not saying I have absolutely no friends, because I do...but the depths of those friendship are just not there. There is one friend of mine that I feel that with...but our current standing with each other is not the greatest...maybe someday...but for now I have you Bloggy Blog... Thanks for bein there for me.

Its funny when you think that you are workin on parts of your life, you actually feel like it is getting better...but everyones view of progression is set at their own speed... Its crazy weird. Welcome to random thoughts of DJs brain. You know what else I am thinking?! Why the hell are my toes so cold is such a warm room? Why do people love? Why do mice love peanut butter? humm....everyday thoughts I guess. I wish I could just talk to my friends. Wish they could give me like just five minutes too listen to me. Reach out. care. There are so many things I could say...share...be. humm...I dont think I want to share anymore. So for now I think that this is it. Thanks blog...

(Currently listening to Ants Marching by Dave Matthews Band)

Full Moons are reflected from the Sun Soul

2010-02-03T23:56:00.001-08:00

To give one your hand and to feel her ever so touch your face, is something less than a miracle in my eyes. I could feel lost in the traffic jams of my life, and inpatient at those stop lights from hell, but all those daily frustrations are eased by my angel who walks with me. When I am not even around her, I feel her energy. I feel the thoughts. I see the heart beats. And what do I do? I smile and no matter where I am...I know things are possible and that I am home. Even if I had no home...she is home. We are love. I wake to the sun shining in my blinds...and instead of closing them tighter...I open them with love. I see her in the sun, and I feel her in its rays. Will you warm my heart, as you warm my skin? I know you will...I know you have it in you. I can feel it, and I can feel you wanting. We both want it. I know you will feel secure as you warm my soul. The solid foundation will become more secure as you become more trusting and loving.

I look out now and see half a moon. Half a beautiful moon that is reflecting the suns light to those who cannot enjoy the sun at this time. I am the moon, and you are my sun. Together we can reach most people. Together...we are complete.

I am happy right now. Not for where the road might lead, or from where I have come. I am happy for my position for now, for today. I am breathing. I am here. I feel. I know that you feel, that you know. That you can see and smile. These things make me happy. The little things are my favorite. Why do I find so much joy in these things?! I feel as if I am still a 4 year old DJ who loves the feel of a rough rock, or the taste of snow and the feeling it makes on my tongue. I'm a 4 year old in a 26 year old body and damn proud of it. Who wants to blow some bubbles with me?! I am happy for who I am, and feel solid for who I've become and where I am going. My smile grows larger everyday I feel the sun. She is. One Love.

(Currently listening to A Slow Parade by A.A. Bondy)

the rasp from her voice might heal

2010-01-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

I have surrounded myself with plants. Friends with no voices. They give me each breath I breathe in my sleep and during my time at home. They are my family. The thing they don't notice is that life is slowly seeping out of me, like sap from an aspen. There seems to be no healing of it. Maybe I just need to breath closer to my plants to speed up my intake to overcompensate the loss of life. Mother Earth makes me happy with what she provides to me. I am in love with the life she bears, but it doesn't seem to heal the hole in my soul. I will just learn to deal with it like I have been for the past 26 years of my life.

Breathe me, be me, hold me, show me, touch me, kiss me. These are daily hopes and dreams. Love me now for me. Love me then for nothing. I am the mud slipping between your fingers. I am unable to be held by anyone. But try. I beg you. Want some gum?

(Currently listening to The Long Day Is Over by Norah Jones)

Scared the poop outta me!

2010-01-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

So about two weeks ago my roommates and I have noticed these two cats hanging around our trash can...One is a bigger, fuzzy, black cat with very pretty eyes, and the other is brownish with stripes. They are very afraid of us, which makes me kinda sad, but they have probably been abused so they have that entitlement. Anyway, my mom bought a big bag of dry cat food for one dollar and gave it to me, which I was very appreciative for.

So when I got home today I was unloading my groceries and saw the cat food, so I quickly opened it and when out to the backside of our trashcan where these cats sleep and eat. Mind you that our wonderful green trashcan now has a giant hole and crack on the backside thanks to the tender love and care given by our wonderful trash men. Anyways, so I was dumping the cat food in the empty tuna can we had back there and next thing I knew there was a HUGE sound right by my side like thunder and then out of the corner of my eye I saw a black figure dart past me which sent me instantly to my feet, cat food flying everywhere, and me falling back against our garage door, arms way out in hopes something will support my stagger. After the hairs on my arms laid back down and my heart started to slow again...I saw in our yard those two very same eyes...it was that black cat that scared the poop out of me. I was just glad to know it was the cat and not something else. So I crouched back down next to the garbage and hole where the cat came out of and finished pouring cat food into the tuna can. My scare for a life time was today. I hope it never happens again. I later put out a big bowl of milk and some shrimp for them. I'm a sucker I guess, but it makes me feel good. Smiles ladies and gents....smiles.

(Currently listening to Best of What's Around(album; Complete Weekend at Red Rocks) by Dave Matthews Band)

My own personal photoshoot

2010-01-13T21:38:00.001-08:00

Earth I am, light is a smile

2010-01-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

I have transformed my room into a jungle, a place of peace and life. This is a place where I know that I am one. This is happiness, this is peace. I looking at my laughing Buddhas and I don't think I've ever seen them smile as big as they are now. That makes me happy. That raises the sun to my soul. Sure things are lonely in life and I seem to be nowhere, but I am somewhere. Somewhere between sunrise and noon. This is a place that time freezes and I exist. This is a place I can jam out on my guitar with my shades pulled high and the window open and I can scream my inner dialog out to the world in such notes that sooth the soul. I can feel the cool breeze and it makes my skin rise up. Goosebumps is the sensation of the moment, and it feels good.

I can breathe. Through all the pollution and cigarette smoke, I smell life. I seem to have temporarily broken my seal of depression, and want nothing but sun in my life. I don't seem to want to tighten the blinds more and more so less and less sun can enter in. I can feel it. Can you? If you can't ...try. If I can do it, you can too. Even if it is for five seconds, do it for those five seconds. Make a smile creep onto your lips. For nothing more than a second. Come on, I dare you. I know I wont always feel the way I do now...maybe I'll wake up tomorrow morning and decide to nail an inch thick board in front of my window and seal the cracks of light out with cock. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. All I know is that right now...at this very moment. I feel like me. I feel the blood flowing through my body...and I like it. Peace and love ladies and gentlemen, peace and love.

(Currently listening to When You Thought You'd Never Stand Out by Copeland)

Another untitled piece

2010-01-05T14:01:00.000-08:00

So here I sit in pain in my new apartment. You'd think everything would be amazingly great...having new roommates and everything....but its not always the case. I think it probably because I'm bi-polar...That is what I conclude at least. My days are so up and down...its crazy. School starts tomorrow though...yay for distractions from life! Right now life is a big gaping hole in my heart. ugh makes me wanna throw up. In fact, I think I just may... Why are things difficult? Why can we not always have things go our way?! It just doesn't seem fair most of the time, but I guess that is how life goes. Things are never fair...especially when it comes to me. Life can never be fair to me. Its just its rule of thumb. DJ+reason= and unfair outcome. Things will turn better though I guess...Cat Stevens is doing a hell of a job at closing up this gaping hole. Though ever song that mentions, "she", or "girl" always reminds me of Hannah...and how frustrating is it to me that I listen to so much music and she following my mind into every damn song. ugh...I just need to fully, mentally, move on...need to find new distractions to where my mind can occupy space. I need not to think about her, for that is to death of me for sure. ugh. I think I just need more friends to take me away from this world of sadness. Thank God school is starting tomorrow and new friends might be in my future. Change is good right? right?! That's what I've heard at least. we'll see. peace and love brothers....peace and love.

(Currently listening to I Have A Thing About Seeing My Grandson Grow Old by Cat Stevens)

Change is good

2009-12-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

So here I sit on my familiar bed but in a foreign room...a room that has become mine. I just moved into my new place yesterday and I'm loving it. The air I breathe is that of freshness and light. I just took another deep breathe. smiles all around. Its good to change things up once in a while...and my time was more that due! I share this town house with two other roommates. They're cool. Though I was up fairly late due to the noise below. But its all good, cause I just bought me some sleeping pills. yum. I'm currently waiting impatiently for my pot roast to cook in the crock pot...looks like Im not going to be eating for another three hours...man time goes by slow when you're hungry. I think I'm going to nap. ...ya that is what I'm going to do. nighty night!

(Currently listening to Naked Sun by ...You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead)

It is, and always will be our choice

2009-12-23T00:54:00.000-08:00

To complete something is to never give up in whatever it is. If we don't end up where it is that we want to be, it is because we gave up at one point or another. We can make anything work. You can make anything work. We choose to succeed or we choose to fail. It is, and always will be our choice.

(Currently listening to Blue Eyes Blue by Eric Clapton)

Believe the Bloggers

2009-12-17T00:24:00.000-08:00

So surprise surprise, its 1:24AM and I cannot sleep at all. My brain just wont shut off...I need some sleeping aid bad. I just took a nice hot bath and squirted a few drops of Aussie shampoo into the water and watched the water barely bubble. It was warm...and soothed me temporarily, and now I just feel sick. That could be a result of my Soy Latte that I had not three hours ago...hum...any who....I was working pretty hard today at American Eagle and totally jamming out to Ghostland Observatory for four hours straight. I just listened to the same CD about three or four times in a row, and then switched it out for the other Ghostland album. Yummy...that music moves me and makes everything OK. I was full on dancing in the stock room singing out-loud the lyrics to each song. It was a blasty blast. Ya..I just said blasty blast...use it... I bet you'll enjoying and even smile a little bit. I know I do. :) So I worked till about midnight...thought I was tired but that thirty minute power nap before work probably threw off my whole 'inner clock'. I ate at Shoga today by myself...I've never gone out to eat alone...it was actually pretty enjoyable. I just sat back and watched others and observed their ways of communicating with one another. It was a pretty good experience...though I did miss certain people, and have thousands of thoughts racing through my head. I watched a couple that was so bugged that I was sitting alone in a booth and they had to sit at a table. I just kinda smirked at them and eased more into my comfy booth. I think I may have even giggled a bit. It wasn't long till the booth next to me was vacant and that couple attacked it like fat people attack buffets.

I would also like to state something about my blogs and the reasons I say the things I do. For me this is a place that I can be completely open with my feelings and share who I am with anybody or nobody. I do not hide behind masks or false images of myself. I am an open book...and my book isn't the prettiest. But what it is, is me. I come here, to my blog, to release what I have built up inside of me...I release it...I grow from it...I try to become healthier by doing so. This is very therapeutic for me, and I mean no harm to those who read my words. People are messed up yes. I am messed up...everyone has problems and everyone has their own way dealing with those problems. With limited close friends and people that actually listen to me, I have no one really to bounce my feelings off of. I have this place to talk. To free my mind. To vent. This is a safe zone for me. This is where I can relax and feel free. I apologize if I offend any of my readers. I am just being who I am...for once. Be free. Free your mind.

(Currently listening to Motherless Child by Eric Clapton)

whatever

2009-12-13T21:15:00.000-08:00

Why do we do things we do?! Why is it that no matter how hard we try...how hard we work at something...it ends up biting us in the ass. I guess that is life. I guess we are distend to fail. No matter what we do...we will fail in one way or another. I have felt and most likely you have too. To be whole is to eff your life up. There seems to be no mercy to the pain. Nothing that will satisfy the dying of our souls. I feel like I am alone. I feel that life is meant to be lived alone. That for us to feel right with ourselves...we must only live ...with ourselves. Why live it with others? because they make us happy? that is what they want you to believe. that others make you happy. Yes they do...for a while. They do momentarily. But why not forever? We live in a shit hole where everyone is covered with shit. No one speaks the truth for all that comes out is more shit. You can pretty up the ugliest things in the world and it'll still be only shit. We can put stuff in its place by not doing a damn thing. Why can't we be put in our own places without doing anything?! Life seems to be short and sucks. Why go through the shit we do for such a small f#*king time! ugh...dont take this blog as a forever view. Its temporary Im sure. We'll see. Kill me now.

(currently listening to T.O.A.B. by Sevendust)

Self titled

2009-12-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

Be it said that love dominates all. People may say differently but I firmly believe that it does. Of course love doesn't solve all problems...we do need to work...we do need to act in life to get by...but we could do it with no help at all and it could be rough and unpleasant. This is where I mean that love dominates all. The reason being is that it makes things flow smoothly and makes unbearable things become bearable. Smile. You know that love does make that. If you don't agree, then I'm sorry...you probably never really loved. You probably never felt love. Its not a lost cause for you though, you can still find it...even in old relationships. You can make that change. You can fill the air with warmth. We could all use some love. We all can feel it. Turn the sides of your mouth upward. You know you want too. So do it.

(Currently listening to Tell Me A Lie by The Fratellis)

Late night wiggles

2009-12-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

Late night blogs. Sometimes they are the best. Sometimes they get the best of you. I guess you will be the judge on this one. How many people do you think actually look and read this blog without commenting? I would wonder that...I would wonder why we are where we are. I often wonder why it is that I am so crazy. What makes one crazy?! What makes us say that a certain person IS crazy?! I think crazy is anything that is outside of the social society circle. This is where there are problems with the world. We tend to send these "crazies" to places where we can forget them. I am crazy. You are crazy. Insanity is reality. Reality is life. Therefore life is insanity. I like being crazy. I like seeing the world through these eyes. These eyes are what get me through this world. These hands are what pay for the keys that lead my life, this insanity. If I could hold the keys to the world I would throw them to the ground and go swimming. I would bask in the sunlight in December. I would walk around barefoot through the snow. I would legally marry Alanis Morissette's voice, we'd make voice babies and live a great life. These are thoughts that have past through my mind within the last three minutes or so. It. Be who you are. Be crazy. Dont be a cookie cutter. Be original. Seek out wealth through your own mind. Peace

(Currently listening to Poison Pushy by Stanton Moore)

Re potted

2009-11-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

When a gardener takes care of his crop, he does so in a loving manner. The crops grow. They produce their fruits and they are good. But then there are just the stems left over. Just the roots that nourished the produce. What does that have after its given its love and nourishment? nothing. Nothing happens. All that tender love and care that was given to that plant for so long is forgotten and the plant is ripped up and out of the ground as if it were never there in the first place. The ground is then torn up and mixed around destroying the left over roots killing the possibility of that plant ever growing again. Are we sometimes these stems of these plants? Do we nourish the fruits? Sometimes I feel we are. Sometimes I feel that it is necessary to be torn up and necessary to be taken out of context and placement. We need to be torn to grow. We need to be replaced to grow. We need new soil to grow. A plant can only grow so much when it is potted. But you get that same plant in a bigger pot...you will see new joys. You will see new leaves sprout out and the plant will grow. We will grow. We will see that there are no limitations to the extent of our growth. Does it hurt to be re potted?! sure does. But there is only one way to grow more muscle and learn. And that is by tearing old muscles to strengthen the new ones. Goodness is home.

(Currently listening to You Shook Me by Led Zepplin)

Life

2009-11-15T17:08:00.000-08:00

I am who I am and not everyone would agree with each view I have. I don't expect anyone to see eye to eye with me. To correct ones ways is just trying to make an even connection between the one and the other who has asked for that correction. When there is an equal understanding between two people, there, somewhere within that levelness lies what we call good. Problems we have with people are problems if we choose for them to be. Because two people aren't exactly alike doesn't mean they cannot come to peace with one another. Our differences is what makes us. Who we are is the fruit of life. These are the times we may cling to one another and love everyone for who they are, not who they can be. choose to love. choose to be yourself. choose to lift each others spirits. I am me, and I choose to see you as you. I choose to view our differences as good. I view them as happiness. I see them as life. Choose to love.

(Currently listening to Jealousy by the Cary Brothers)

Death Trap

2009-11-05T13:14:00.000-08:00

I find myself driving. The gas light has been on for days. How am I still moving? How am I able to comprehend a forward motion in this car? There is no direction given, only a forward motion. I struggle to throw the gear into reverse, but I look closely and I'm driving in a single geared car. Only goes forward. I slam the brake...nothing happens. I repeat this motion...nothing. Again...nothing. I'm getting frustrated and know that there must be another motion to this car. I know it. I just know it. When I decided to turn the car around. I realize that I don't have any control to this car. The steering wheel wont budge. I do everything to make this car do anything. I honk the horn, a small sound is made, and no one hears it. I try rolling down the windows but they are broken and stuck. I slam my fist on the window. The car speeds up. I scream and I scream...nothing happens. I to the back from the drivers seat and lay down. I pull my knees to my chest and scream as I try to bust out the side window. Nothing happens. I do it again. nothing happens. Again. I did it!! The window flies from the car and crashes against the paved road. The car speeds up. There seems to be no way out of this car...alive at least. I hesitate when I debate in my head if I should climb out of the car. I stick my head out the window like a dog would, but this is not a joyous occasion...I must get out. I finally climb out of the window to the top of the car. my eyes water as I look forward. the tears stream across the sides of my face. I have a death grip on the open window, gratefully this car is heading straight on a one way road. The car is far above 90 miles an hour. I look at the fast moving ground. Again I doubt this jump. I need to be safe. I need it. The wind flows through my clothes and I get a cool chill before I make the leap. I scream and I slowly fall to the ground I slowly fade away and suddenly find myself on my back sitting up in my own bed. My mouth was open, but nothing came out. My heart was beating and I look at my body. Nothing happened. I was dreaming...it was a dream. My heart still beats hard.

(Currently listening to Have Mercy on Me by The Black Keys)

Broken...broken

2009-11-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

I fold over and feel like I'm going to puke. I cry but my tears are dry. I cant breathe. I cant fight the pain. I fall to my knees thinking that being on the ground, the lowest I could be, will make me feel better from this hell that haunts me. My eyes are searching and find nothing but darkness. Where has my sanctuary gone, where is the ease? I stand hoping that something will change, that this sickness will leave my stomach. I look upward and scream but not a sound is heard. I'm hyperventilating now, my mind feels faint. Maybe if I die I will feel the release of this pain that crushes my soul and heart. I move my hands over my heart and feel the slow, hard, unsteady beat. My heart will break through my chest and leave the pain that is possessing my body so. I stagger down the sidewalk with everyone living their fine lives, all eyes are on me. All see the pain. All see the pain but no one feels it like me. My eyes are still dry though I'm crying. My soul has dried up and whithered to a nothing. My being is a crumpled up sheet of white paper, that has easily been through aside and trampled underfoot. Where is the point of life? where is the love that was once inside? I try and ease my breathing. I try to easy my soul, but nothing happens. Nothing at all. I try and feel the wind, I try and enjoy the outside...but nothing seems to save me. nothing. I double over again, dry heave and nothing...it is as if there is nothing inside. nothing to release. One day this will leave. One day this will heal. My mind is in a constant circle. It cannot feel or think of anything else. Will you help me from my knees? Will you take this pain away? I need the love. I need the hand in hand. I need. Not want. I need.

(Currently listening to 'Meg White' by Ray LaMontagne)

So this is love...

2009-10-27T16:41:00.000-07:00

There are four season living here in Utah. There are four separate memorable times that we can get together with our loved ones and enjoy mother nature. There are seasons for love, seasons for hate, seasons for joy and sadness. I have fallen in love with my season that was created by my sweet woman whom loves me as much as I do her. These are the greatest times that I have felt in all my existence. She makes me feel so much greater than I once was. She makes me smile and close my eyes as I do in the sweet crisp Autumn air. I feel her breathe as I do the seasonal winds. I feel the warmth then minute she looks and gives a moments thought towards me. I love being in love, but not just being in love. Being in love the woman of my dreams and feeling that miraculous love returned to me. Hannah is the light of world. Not once have I ever met such a Lady. We are what you see in the movies, what you hear about in songs, what you may occasionally see in public. We are love. This is the same love that you'll see in fifty years from now. We'll be the old couples that are holding hands in public and kissing under an old Aspen tree. That is the love that we bare. That is the love that we all seek. I wasn't searching for it at all. It just happened. Hannah wasn't looking for it either, and it was truly love at first sight. She makes me want to be a better person and do better in my studies. Being in love is like not caring what people think of you. It truly is the drive of your heart and creates huge feelings and makes you feel like you're on top of the world. Hannah is my Lady, and I am her Man. These are the best of days, and when the clouds come, we'll still have each other. Our love will never die.

I have a dream...

2009-10-04T20:43:00.001-07:00

So last night I was totally sleeping on cloud nine...twas rad because yours truly was doing what he truly wants to do...writing music! ha yes it was totally amazing what I was doing. I dreamt about preforming my music which was a twist between Tim Reynolds and Dan Auerbach. I was the only performer. Didn't have a band. Just looped everything that I played. I started out jamming out the beat on the drums, after I got that recorded I started playing the bass...(I slapp-a-da bass) then after looping that I started to play a dirty guitar and pumping out phat solos that were soul striking. It truly was a dream come true and everybody just nodded and jammed with me to my music. Ah how it would be to make money off of my music. That is truly the American Dream. umm...so so good. Take it or leave it...or just love it. Peace

(Currently listening to Devil's Got a Holda Me by The Colour)

Old and Rusted Cadillac

2009-10-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

New study habits...old study habits...and whatever study habits. These are what haunt me day in and day out. All I have to do is recognize. And love. And Do. humm...whenever I decide to try and tackle this 'study habit' I end up here. Writing and thinking about what to do what not to do, what to study, what not to study, who's awesome(that'll be me) and who's not...ugh my brain is so close-minded it makes me puke. Cucky. I guess its good, cause once its on the right track, I's does good. (Smiley faces all around) So my grade checks are comming up this next week, and I just need to do some good before then. I hope all is well. Hope my efforts are seen through an effing letter by my counselor. She'll tell me what I need to do, what not to do, if I need to drop a class. ugh Me no likey. The only worry I have is my BIO 1610 class that for some reason is retarded and doesn't want to aline to my mad study skills. If I had a handicapped brother, his name would be BIO 1610, and mine would be Luke Skywalker(cause that is just awesome). (And together we'd destroy the Lord Darthvadder). Seriously though, this class is fast paced and I am reading like none other. So much info that I need to retain...Its almost sickening and takes alot of my study time. BUT...it is freakishly necessary for my ed-ja-mication. So ya, that is what I am doing from now till two PM...umm so fun I know. PEace

(Currently listening to Empty by Ray LaMontagne)

My Lady

2009-09-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

My daily second hand only ticks by the power of love. The love that so narrowly pierces my heart with such force that the internal bleeding of the 'wound' sooths my soul. The pain is good and drives me to live with a smile upon my face. Not a mask I wear. Not...A...mask. What I see is hurt and what I feel is compassion. My Lady is who pierces my soul. She is the one that creates the fluttering in my chest. Be mine for a time? Love me? Of course you do, you will, you are. God bless you. With the heat of my heart steaming with care, you so close can feel, and with you we come to one. This is us and this is where we'll be. The redness flows from your head and splashed down on your shoulders and ends with such power...what have you done to me?! Created a diamond from coal. These are the miracles you have created...this is your love. This is your home. Will you stay? I hope forever. My love for you is always. Constant. Insane I stand, hand in hand. The sky falls below our feet and lifts us to no where, but that no where is somewhere that you and I can only reach. There I am yours, and you are mine, and there we are always. Love...close your eyes. Love...feel my soul. Love...heal my heart.

(Currently listening to Southern Point by Grizzly Bear)

Smile

2009-09-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

Here I lie in the wee hours of the morning contemplating life. Life as I know it...and how others have convinced we should know it. humm.. interesting. Have you ever taken a step back and observed your life? Do it if you haven't. Do it now. What is it that you see? What is it that you chose not to see? hum.. interesting. These are the days you need to feel the air flow through your hair, past your ears, life your coat. These are the days you need not move a muscle as you gracefully walk along the line of existence. These are...the times. The sky darkens as the sun rises. The grins are constant while you search their eyes. Light is no where but everywhere. The Love grows free as the rain soaks its roots. The lightening shows bits of hope in your times of trouble. Love is where we must stand. Love is what grows. Love is where one is transformed from an adolescent to an adult. Love is. Love....is. Be who you may, the sky is still grey...dug a hole and found a glow. Further I go and find the root. The roots from the Love. They glow with hope, but why buried? Why so deep in the earth where no light is shown? For the love is what drives us. Upon the hardened grown of life one is oblivious to this Love. One struggles to live. One dies in hate. You must acknowledge this absence of Love. You must search for it. It is always found where we least expect it. It is underfoot. Like always. Love is where the heart is. Love is me. Love is you. Smile and spare a root.

(Currently listening to Reservations by Wilco)

Your own ball and chain

2009-09-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

It is frustrating when you have so much on your mind and you can't put any of it to words. Right now this is how I feel and I feel it unfair. I would love to spill my soul on this white canvas but of course can barley get a drip going. Ugh its frustrating. So I'm tired, but I'm energetic. Asleep but awake. Jittery and restless. These are a few of my favorite things. When I look out this window here I see the people who are naive to the world and forced to smile, told how to smile. They never will learn on their own, yet have a perma-grin due to the fact of the MAN here in this conservative valley. I see people trying to break those bonds but not knowing how...so they end up not knowing themselves, or just masking their smiles. They may fool us all during the day but those that hide it, when at home, with no one else around, they smile like everyone else. How it would be to live an idiotic life-style. Horrific. There they all are so small to me from up here on the fourth floor. They walk forward with no direction, with nothing but cell phones in hand and lies in their head. They seem so small. I feel like I can reach out and grab them, turn them around...and show them truth to their darkness. But unfortunately this is only a feeling...I reach out and they disappear. Sadness. I reach out with my voice and my sounds are heard yet not loud enough to take effect. I look around and see nothing but lies. I feel nothing but hate. I smell only hell. I sense fear...and feel no light.

Pick your poison, for it'll be your last choice. If you feel happy about it...continuing on drinkin it. It wont quench your thirst you have...only suck more life out of your brain. What is true happiness? Not being tied down that is for sure. Doing what you wish and living life responsibly, is a good starter for your happiness. Nobody likes to be told that they are doing something bad...hum. interesting. peace

(Currently listening to I Know What I Am by the Band of Skulls)

Times are changing

2009-09-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

The hell'ishness of the semester has hit me. A seven o'clock class sounds so lame and boring to me...and way to early. I know I know that I picked my poison when I signed up for classes but that doesn't mean it will be easy for me to awake at the wee hours of the morning just to bill a couple beakers full of Sodium Chloride and get numbers somehow...ugh labs...but they are so easy and only once a week. Ah the things we put ourselves through. Honestly I don't know how I am writing right now...I'm so effing tired and could totally fall back asleep. Which sounds oh so nice but I have to study... no rhyme or reason really. Have you ever read any Chuck Klosterman books? ha they are awesome, especially the one entitled, "Sex, Drugs and Coco puffs". The title has nothing to do with the book itself...just showing the randomness that all three subjects in that statement shows. He writes each entry, or chapter, when you're in between that wake a asleep stage in the wee hours of the morning. So everything is very 'random'. I guess that is how I can say it and will say it...very random, as well as very funny. I love it. Check him out...his books are located in the music section at Borders or Barnes and Noble. ugh...my arm can't take typing anymore...I'm peacing out. Later

(Currently listening to Goodbye Babylon by The Black Keys.)

(no subject)

2009-09-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

Victory is mine! I just took my Bio 1070 test and did very well!! Alot better than I was expecting! Today showed the outcome of the forces I put into studying. I really can see the difference. If I had studied just a tinsy bit more I would have dont phenomenal on the test. But where I sit now with my score I'm pleased! yay for me. I also can see the need for three hours of study time every day from the one hour I'm in lecture. Anyway I wanted to say happy day to myself! peace

(Currently listening to Fighting In A Sack by The Shins)

When are you gunna put me a song?!

2009-09-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

How and why is it that when you are in the greatest mood ever, we let other people take that from us? Being at a level ten, we allow ourselves to plumit down to a three in two seconds. humm...interesting, I guess it is our choice at the same time to allow whoever lower our mood. I guess one is not supposed to be at a manic high all the time...right? Being bi-polar doesn't really help out too much...using mood stablizers and depressents seems to help a lil bit...but I guess they're not supposed to fully numb oneself...though at times wish that would be the case. I think everyone wants to give up at some point in their lives. Some more than others...humm I just have to find a quick way to gimme a pick-me-up. I'm attempting that right now but jammin to Dave Matthews new CD...which is oh so good. Just the way they have that smooth Jazz tied into their music makes me so happy...its totally soul groovin. A side note of it all...I'm going to be writing more music and play it at coffee shops around town and Salt Lake...I'm looking for a sweet mic and apm so I could have some effects and project my sound out and give it a good hint of lime. Peace and Love.

(Currently listening to Alligator Pie by the Dave Matthews Band)

Cup of morning Joe

2009-09-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

Ah its cold again...cucky. Me no likey! I awoke to a chill running down my arms and legs. I guess its that time again which I am both excited for and not so much excited for. ugh well the best season ever is amongst us...fall. Love it...I can't wait to go on drives and hikes in the fall weather. Everything about it is awesome...the colors, the feeling, the clothes! I think I'm most excited about wearing scarfs...I love how if just snuggles up on your neck and gives you that warmth you can't get else where. The mornin Joe, my grandads cowboy shirt, and my philosophy book..umm can't get any better than that. I'm staring straight out over Utah lake and oh its a sight! love it... peace and love. Now back to my studies.

(Currently listening to Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan)

Seek up

2009-09-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

What is it that drives us to accomplish so much, or so little in our days? Why do you get up? Why do I get up in the mornings? What mindset are we living in? Are we constantly bowing to 'The Man' in our everyday lives? I'd say most of us are. Most of us do things that we dont really want to do, but do them to feel satisfied by 'The Man'. Gettin the ol' 'Pat on the back' from our fellow colleagues is what most of us want/need. Why is that? Are we all just too scared to face life alone? Face what the world truly is? I would say that that is one of the strongest motivators that we'd have each day. To feel wanted is like being hugged by the sun on a chilly morning. We all love it and want more of it, so we bend to every which way that 'the man' demands. We, as in the community, are getting better at being who we are, but still when I walk around campus at UVU I am baffled by the amount of 'Cookie Cutters' (I like to call them) that are around here. You all know who I'm talking about too(unless you are one of them, then I'm sorry you cannot grasp what I am saying). They all go by the names of John, Jenny, Ashely, and Devin. I swear every other person you meet has that as a first or second name. (I love it when they give themselves nic names like J-Dawg of Devo) cucky, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Ah the perks of being a Wallflower.

I feel that oneself should be identified as an individual, so that he/she is comfortable being who he/she is around EVERYONE! It is sickening to me to see so many people here in Utah county live behind a mask. I swear if everyone went into the doctor and asked them if they had a double personality, 95% of them would be diagnosed. Everyone here judges, everyone here lacks respect, everyone here is fake. Why would I say such things? Because one...its true...two ...its true...and three...its also true. example number one; people here claim to not be from here(though you and I both know that they moved here when they were like two years old). Also, people who have done something such as rock climb once, lie and claim that they are a genuine rock climber and know oh so much about it. FAKE!! ALL FAKE!! I wish everyone would be honest and open. If that were the case there would be a whole lot less stress in peoples lives.

As for me, I think that people are scared to be themselves because of disappointment and because, God forbid they do anything wrong due to the fact that we live in a "perfect world" here in Utah County. Do I love it here? Yeah, it is beautiful...I'm happy to claim this as where I grew up most of my life and this is home. The reason why people are scared is the same reason why 19 year old kids go on missions. Everyone just goes with the flow and if there is slightest thought of denial they are damned. This is a problem, and a big one of that. No one kid should do things just because his parents or their church tells them that they should do this one thing; or live your life this one way and if you don't...well then you are damned again. I went on a LDS Mission and it was wonderful. But there were so many people out there that should not have been there. If YOU want to go and serve your church then do it for YOU not for your parents or the church but for YOURSELF. This is where there is a problem though... a 19 year old boy cannot say no to serving a mission because if he did then the gossip would start. The damn gossip that infects the LDS church here in Utah...everyone will start to wonder why this 19 year old didn't go on a mission? and he is instantly labeled as a 'Bad kid'. No way...that is messed up. No matter how much your deny it, you all know that this true. You are all blind to see that everyone has their certain values, not everyone was made to be a missionary and made to be out there "trying to find himself". There are things that we learn either way. Be who you are, don't try and be someone else due to the fact of fear.

I look around and people are holding their personal sign that STATE they are Christian...but it is just simply that, a statement. There is nothing Christlike about them. For a true Christian would be willing to not judge and be willing to face life and know there are ups and downs and they'd truly help their fellow friends and family. ugh...it sickens me to see older members of the LDS church get up early every morning and do two hours of studies in the scriptures, and pray and then treat everyone like crap, and expect 'blessings' from there God. They look down on others that aren't as holy as themselves. I could go on, but these are just a few thoughts I had for the day...The great thing is that the sun will always rise, and the light will always fall upon those places that have been so dark for sometime and a new plant will grow in that spot. People change, and people grow. That is a remarkable thing...we all change and all grow...some of us are beautiful flowers others are weeds...but we all can love and grow and become the best of what we are. We all drink water, and receive nourishment through the sun and rich soul. Don't drink your neighbors poison that he swears is water. Be cautious. Be loving...give more than you receive. Choose not to be blind...choose to live and choose to be you.

(Currently listening to Not At Home by Peter Broderick)

2009-09-18T10:55:00.001-07:00

If I were to win an Emmy award today, and was asked who I have in my CD player at the moment...I would say Joshua James' new album, Built me This. Its a good one. Both Hannah, my love, and I have been jammin that album about four times a day within the past week. It hits home alot with me. We saw him at Valour the other day and it was an amazing show. He played the whole show on his knees. Rad I know!! But his lyrics are so passionate and are very parallel to how I view life alot. He is truly and inspiration. Anyone who makes me feel that I can do something and accomplish it, is an outstanding musician. I just wanted to add that to my words of today. If you haven't heard him GO GET THE ALBUM!! ANY OF THEM! They are amazing, both in the music and lyrics. Peace and love.

(Currently listening to Black July by Joshua James)

"Trouble weighs a Ton"

2009-09-18T09:54:00.001-07:00

Five to six hours I have spent, daily, for the past two weeks in my studies, and have nothing to show from it. My brain is gone. Dead. I am possibly the first living organism to live a semi-normal life with zero Nero activity in the brain. I wonder if the doc could just remove it so I'd weigh 8 lbs. lighter? Hum, interesting...maybe I could become to first human balloon...fill my head with helium and watch me fly. If I did that I might get sued by Chris Angel for 'stealing' his floating trick, that...or I could just glue a truckless skateboard to the bottom of my amazing shoes and act like I am Micheal J. Fox from Back to the Future II, and hover over water so it seems that I am riding something futuristic. (little will everyone know that my trick is all in my head(literally)).

I say such things due to the outcome of my first test of the school. I might have well barfed all over the scan tron sheet and turn it into the hideous lady behind the desk. I may have come out with a better score than what I got initially. When I looked at my score, it was very easy to find...amidst the sea of 80's 90's and 100's there it was...my lovely low number...I could have seen it from thirty feet across the room. IT was screaming for everyone to look. LOOK AT ME!!!! And for some odd reason I felt as if I were chained to it, like a kid on a leash. I swear everyone stopped their test taking for a minute to turn and stare. I was hooked...no one corner in the room was dark enough for me to hide my face. So what did I do?! I gave everyone the finger and smiled at my score and walked out the door.

Am I happy with my score? No. Not at all. Can I do better? Yes. Ok that was kinda weird. I just envisioned myself as that doctor on Scrubs who never states anything. Instead, he teaches by asking questions. Just as I did just now. Question such as, "Do I think you are a retard? Yes I do" ... Anyway...Starting out in the dirt isn't too bad I'd say. Because if you never got dirty you would never notice how clean you are or could be. So I just gotta take that extra large Pick-Me-Up pill every morning and I'll be able to do better. Seriously though... this is going to kick my butt but I know how important it is. I can do it! ha..

So I'm sittin once again in the library and my right butt cheek is dead. I need a new wallet. Or just take all the crap out of it so I dont seem to have a three inch growth protruding right out of my rear. The only love that I getting right now are from my good friends Dan Auerbach, Howard Shultz(founder of Starbucks), and my sweetness of a baby Hannah. umm all those mix in one...umm so so good. May I have seconds please!?! Oh course. Ooo and a desert of some Dave Matthews would go splendid with it all.

Why can one not be praised for whom he/she is at the appropriate time? Rather then being graded, academically, by what you can regurgitate...why can't one just be interview for how they are and who they are? I feel it would give those that are left brained, more of a chance in the real world. If there was a degree in world traveling and camping and writing music...basically being myself...I'd ace it!! But I guess that is how the cookie crumbles. hum I seem to be rambling and probably making no sense but guess what?! I dont' care because this is for my own self worth and I am benefiting outta writing and letting my fingers do the walking/talking?...Its good to put your feelings into words even if it just a percent of what you feel...its still good. GOOOD!!! Any way. peace...until next time.

(Currently listening to Hurt Like Mine by The Black Keys)

In addition to the Fourth Floor Jitters

2009-09-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

So here I sit. Same thing. Different day. I cannot run a marathon right now, to work out my RLS so I am transferring my running to my fingertips. Letting them do the work doesn't quit quench my thirst...but it'll have to do.

Two days till my first test...and ....here I sit writing. THOUGH it is totally necessary due to the fact that if I have things on my mind at times of study, I will not and cannot study. I am hoping that today's studies will suffice what I need to be that much closer to acing the BIO 1610 test. fingers crossed? Maybe?

OH my lady. Lady I am loving you now. Smiles all around these are the good ol days. Peace and love is the milk and bread of our generation and if you don't agree then you must be with The Man.

Currently listening to 'Meg White' by Ray LaMontagne

The Forth Floor Jitters

2009-09-14T09:43:00.001-07:00

Here I sit...studying and contemplating life as we know it....well as I know it, so many different opinions I couldn't relay life into a "we" category... My leg sits here bouncing and I am filling my mind with light and knowledge that is going to make my future path apparently turn from a dusty road to a paved, then golden road. I see it...I feel it...though it hurts like hell to my knees, walking on the hardened road is "good for me".

I have made it to the level of love. I have created the sight of blind to my heart. I have filled that empty pore will goodness. This what my goals are by the end of my studies. To be full of knowledge that I turn from an everyday Joe, to an everyday Joe that KNOWS. It is interesting to see every bodies levels of knowledge. Its great to see so many different points of view to many different issues relating to politics, religion, love, hope, and intelligence. To see someone argue the truth is like talking to an apple and telling him he/she should taste like a plum. The apple had a starting point and a direction of growth and can't comprehend the taste of a plum or and orange or what not. Its interesting to see views and contemplate them....not necessarily to convert oneself to being that apple of orange...but solely VIEW. The massive achieves of life are endless and the knowledge is never ending. Love it... I love it.

These are just some of my thoughts that have gone through my head within the last day or so...though till now they were never apparent for discussion or any place to put into words. I fill good and I feel my voice is heard through my eyes and fingers. How high will you go to see the world? What are you doing to enlighten your mind to knowledge and comprehension? So many good teachers out there that don't even have names yet...you are that teacher...we teach each other...we are we. Love it and leave it...or take with...be you. Be us. Remove blinders and see. Coexist.

(Currently listening to, 'He Doesn't Know Why' by the Fleet Foxes)

not Just one of those days

2009-04-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

So I sit in my new room thinking of what life will be like within these walls and what shapes and sounds will exist here. It is really quite fun thinking that life is yet at another beginning here and new opportunities are here. My window is cracked open and the wind is exploding through it bringing me nice cool air but also bugging the crap outta me cause the pull string is bouncing off the wall!! ugh! ..ok all fixed. But ya how awesome is this...I love it. Is it scary...yes/no...would it be easier staying back with the folks? maybe...but there is so much more given to one whom is on his own and once again I am he. I love living out I love it.

Have you ever stayed up really late, till the sun came up? Have you felt giddy about something you have yet to see all the way through? Have you ever stayed in bed tell the evening? These are all wonderful thing if you do them right. If you keep your mind spinning and weaving and not turning to mush. Life is full of chances and I believe that if we take those chances we will become happy and experience what happiness is and feel complete with those around us. Do it, step outside your "zone" and experience something new for once...who knows you might even meet your new best friend..haha ok so I don't know what I'm really getting at but what I've said is true. I like and and so will you. Keep well

Currently listening to Hunger for the Great Light, by Dave Matthews Band (Live TRAX Las Vegas 2007)

My deep set apologies

2009-04-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

So yes I know you are all thinking, 'thank goodness he has finally changes his blog'...ok so you are probably not going to say that but you are definatly thinking that now. eh? eh?!
So much has happened in my life since the last time I posted...lets see..Im single...Im the manager at the Sticker Shop and wanting to shoot myself...its not too bad but just feeling the pressure from the guys upstairs...but they can just eat it...and plus they are younger than me soooo yeah, I pretty much am awesome and know more than them ;) lol ya but serisously...they could use some pointers if they'd give me the light of day and take their noses out of all the 'How to run your own buisness' books...but I wont be there too much longer..which brings me to my next point...

I just finished my certification for phlibotomy this past week and lets say that I am Stoked!! oh yeah! I aced the final and loved the feeling...I really have a new view on life and achivements...There is no reason why, this fall when I enroll into school, I should get less than 100% on a test or in anything...it all comes down to preparing yourself for that passing point. I have always settled for being a 'B' averaged student my whole life and I am not really happy with that...why cant I be and A student?! I put my self down there and there I have stayed but I am desperatly attempting to pull myself out of that this year and years to come.

But to get to my point from before...I am trying to get a job in Phlebotomy right now..so I can do it full time at a hospital and part-time during school so I can pay 100% attention to my school and get it all done...and get em done and do em good. Any who, thats what I think. If things go well for me I'll have my Biology degree within the next two years. And I'm on the fence to either go into Medicine or Dentistry..so well see. Stay tuned!!

Currently listening to: Highly Suspicious by My Morning Jacket

And I said...Its alright...da buddada buddada buddada

2009-01-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

The things in our lives that make such a huge difference are always those things that go unseen and unnoticed because they are taken for granted. I love being in Seattle and the experiences are great...living somewhere new is amazing and frustrating but you learn to adjust and adapt...The winters are very cloudy and rainy here, and day in day out you start to except it for what it is and life. Then one day...one blessed day things seem different...I woke up to bright warm rays squeezing through my blinds screaming to me to wake up!! Almost as efficient as my mother singing "Oh what a beautiful morning....oh what a beautiful day". The benefit I get with waking to the sun, is no threat of a cup of water to the face. So I smiled, and rose... I feel so much energy with the sun...it was a grand day. I bathed in it down at Golden Gardens beach where these pictures were taken.

The sun I now know is a constant need of mine. I love the sun. I love the heat..I love the sun spots that that so cozily snuggle into my skin. I love the sun. Truly my attitude was completely different that day..and the following two days as well. My eyes were wide and smiling with much glee. I left people happier that day. Keep well

(Currently listening to Delicate by Damien Rice(Live from Union Chapel))

Words and Thought for today

2009-01-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

So what can I say...really not too much...The days have become repetitive...the sun is on its way down when I'm waking up...I wait tell the hour I go to work, which is sadly the highlight of my day...then I end up pacing around the Kiosk for Borders book store and in four hours only sell seven items. The repetitiveness alone is going to kill me. I read alot more now. I found a steal of a deal when I went to the local library...Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer...hardback...for only a dollar! And it is in great condition! I kinda jumped for joy when I saw it. I had to rub my eyes a few times and still couldn't believe it, so I had to go and ask the library woman lady...she said my dreams have come true and yes that is only a dollar. So I have thrown that book into my 'books I need to read' category. I'm currently finishing up Bright Shiny Morning..and yet another James Frey..And since everyone is so high on this Twilight I have convinced myself that I need to at least read the first book. I would like to read the Journals of the Freedom Writers too. Thought that would be pretty interesting and humbling.

Another benefit about being at the Kiosk is that you get to watch everybody in the mall...witness their arguments...see how transparent their faces. I wonder if they realize how much they show of their person. Who they really are. Who they are trying to hide from the world by placing up blocks and covering their soul...putting on a front. It is pretty interesting...but as soon as they notice that someone is looking they tighten the laces and go back into hiding. Much like a hermit crab. Some people just don't care and are who they are, which is awesome. Picture this, a slightly overweight man wearing glasses, and a tight blue t-shirt that must have been purchased in the 70's tucked into his worn down jeans that are well over his navel on his quite large stomach. This man also wears a long black beard that is slightly greying and a full head of scraggly head. As you follow his arms down you notice that they are crossed yet one had is missing. It is inside a hand puppet. This man is walking around with a puppet of a sloth, and as he walks by every person he starts moving the sloth like crazy and opening and closing its mouth and at the exact same time he, himself, is opening and closing his mouth. I know that his goal to all of the awesome awkwardness that he creates is to just make people smile and have people smile again...I can't help but laugh everything I see him approaching...cause I am easily entertained that stuff just makes me bust up with laughter. Though the common everyday man may say he is weird..I say right on! I feel that there should be more sloth puppet men in the world...My whole life I have only met two..the other was in Mexico...It was feakin awesome! Peace

(Currently listening to Here It Goes Again by Ok Go)

Its 2009...

2009-01-02T16:07:00.000-08:00

So it has happened..its here...its done. We are officially in a new year and there are goals being made due to tradition...I myself am not going to write any cause my goals are on going...and all the new year does is 'remind us' to make them...cause we all know that we might make it to march or even April with our making our goals before we completely forget about them all together..so due to that I am just staying the same and working on the same goals I've always personally had...I may try to not tease so much...since that is a huge part of my life and others seem to hate it. I don't think I've met one person who has liked it...except for my little sis Lacey who, when I was away in Mexico, wrote me and told me that I was right and that she really did miss it. HA!! So there is one person out of hundreds maybe even thousands that have taken the brunt of my teasing. But I finally have done what for many years have wanted to do..and that is to be in a big city during new years, I went and watched a spectacular firework performance at the Space Needle in Seattle Center...it was amazing! I have many pictures but no real way to upload them..as soon as I get a new computer that works...you'll see pictures galor. So it seems that Borders have given me the silent thumbs up with my performance, "thank you. Thank you" and have decided to keep me on as one of their 'regular' employees. (yay) but seeing the major hours I put into working and the check that i received today...makes me want to cry..I need to get another job...this is just enough to pay my bills and have me eat TV dinners tell the next two weeks. I wish I had never quite my AE job..I was getting paid more than double for the same amount of hours that I did...it sucks... So I'm thinking about selling my car again...and pay off my loan..and just use the bus to get around. Though the last time I took it a big ol African-American bum was on it and looked at me and so I looked at him cause he caught my attention and then proceeded to talk to the bus drive using his outside voice, on how 'boring' people are...and people meaning me. I had no idea he was talking about me tell ten minutes later. He was going on and on and on about that...apparently my spaced out face is grimacing of some sorts. Which is sad...I need to start spacing out with a smile on my face. So anyway, he thought I was being racist...which if he really know what I was thinking wouldn't have said that. I thought he was cool cause he was talking about old Jazz music and sports and the Eastern coast...but then he left a sour taste in my mouth due to his comments. When I got up to get off the bus he stuck his face in my face and glared at me and I just smiled and kept walking, then when I got off called me a name that I cannot repeat. Its funny how angry people get and the perceptions they have. So long story short...I'm going to keep to the back of the bus from now on where the Indy kids and weirdos sit...they are much more chill and I tend to be left at peace...sometimes have some interesting conversations which strangers and hear peoples ideas about the world...I love hearing every ones points of views on things..its quite entertaining.

(Currently listening to The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse)

"All I want for Christmas are my two front tires chained"

2008-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

The deed is done

2008-12-17T23:58:00.000-08:00

So the snow continues and the people go crazy!! It is really fun to sit back and watch spin out after spin out of cars on the snow! Its a great comfort to know that the cities here only have like on snow-plow and since it hasn't been used all year it is not in working condition. So much so that the only snow coming off the road is that which is caked, and flipped off of tires to land either right back on the road or the windshield or hood of your car. Great fun let me tell ya. Though I said it was fun to sit back and soak all of it in and find it humorous, peoples misfortune of slipping and sliding, I did find it in myself to help them. Kayleen and I were stuck behind a whole line of slippery travelers, we ended up passing them all on the hill and parked the car at the top and ran back down to help. I advised them to turn off their traction resistor ESR, or some acronym like that, and told them how to drive in it to not be afraid of the gas and when to push it when not to push it..we had a jolly old time. Then after the pointers, car after car we help push... even getting to a big ol truck that was incapable to climb the hill...let me repeat..a TRUCK couldn't do it. Some odd reason it wasn't a 4X4 only rear-wheel drive..we did the best we could but ended up having her back down the road and find an alternative route. It felt good leaving an empty road filled with nothing but struggling skid marks. It made me feel like I had done my good deed for the day...and only thirty minutes before I had to be at work..ha..there is always time for a good deed I have found.

(Currently listening to Can't Stop by Dave Matthews Band)

Winter wonderland in Seattle

2008-12-14T10:40:00.000-08:00

Through much depression I honestly thought that moving to Seattle I would not have the chance to see snow fall around where I live and 'in the valley'. I know its not called the valley here but that is just what I am used to calling it when it snows amongst the people and the city... I am so cold these days its not even funny. Its like it doesn't matter how many layers I put on cause it'll still chill me to the bone. Its funny cause it gets colder in Utah then it does here and I am whining..go figure. I feel like a baby..oh well. Though I do wish I had a certain jacket..that I would wear during the winter..called the North Face Odyssey in black..that is a toasty jacket. Its funny though..nobody told me that you need to have a rain jacket...though it is a givin that we are in Seattle and it rains over half the year. I need to start taking that into consideration if I wanna keep dry in the future.

(Currently listening to Debbie by Architecture In Helsinki)

Santas checkin it twice

2008-12-12T15:11:00.000-08:00

Amidst all the hustle a bustle during this season we forget that Santa is not only busy makin those toys for us all he is getting his Jolly on and sweet talkin the teenage girls..haha I was kinda gigglin to myself when I saw this the other day. I was on my break and Santa had these two girls wrapped around his finger...They were talking for a good forty minutes or so...it was pretty funny.

On the greyer side of things...I found out that I will not be able to make it back to Utah for Christmas...which is a big bummer...but I guess that is just how things go...I will spend my second year in a row away from home during the Holidays. I'm not sure if I am going to head south to Kenniewick to have dinner with Kayleens family or not...things are still up in the air. But this is a time to be thankful for what you have. I am grateful. :) I am happy. I am one.

The simple things make you happy

2008-12-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

So it just hit me yesterday that I wanted to do something that I don't think I have ever done before. That was to make some delicious honey bread. So I bought two loaf pans from Albertsons for $2 and today I made bread! And I just ate the first slice and it is 'umm umm good!' I was actually really surprised at how tasty it turned out.... my mouth is watering just thinking about the second slice. For the first attempt I might say it was a great success. I wanna try other type of breads for the second time around.. maybe a Cinnamon raisin bread...that sounds delightful! We'll see what will tickle my fancy then...the great thing is...since Borders has hired me a great plus is that all employees get to check out any book in the store as along as there are two of them...Ha HA so you bet I'm going to be bring home some Paula Dean books and other great cook books to try stuff out! I'm excited! Wish you all could take a slice home with ya...its too good to hold to ones self...Later!

(Currently listening to Kids by MGMT)

24

2008-12-01T20:17:00.000-08:00

K, there are many things that I love in life...I love the air...I love the mountains...I love to laugh...there are so many things that I can name but one of my loves has been lost for over a year or so and just barley resurfaced....and that is....24!! Yes! Jack Bauer is back... and now has no CTU or rules holding him back..he is not under any jurisdiction..haha oh and I am so freakn excited! I watched 24 Redemption the other day and was just glued the entire time...and then on the Disc there was the first fifteen minutes of Season 7. Warning...the following will spoil season 7 if you are a true fan I am so so mad that Tony is back alive...well I am not mad that he is back but that he is bad! It is going to be a great season but Tony was one of our favorites the whole time...minus him is the first season. I don't believe that he is bad...I predict that he is having to do what he is doing cause they(the Chinese) have his woman...and they are going to kill him if he doesn't do it...that is what I predict and we'll see what happens..oh I'm so excited!

(Currently listening to Turpentine by Brandi Carlile)

"Back in the saddle again"

2008-11-24T11:57:00.000-08:00

"Out where a friend is a friend"...ah the words of Gene Autry are ringing through my head today. The minute I was coming through Stevens pass entering Seattle this song just popped into my mind...and both you and I know the reason for the song is because of oh wonderful Tom Hanks and my love Meg Ryan's 'Sleepless in Seattle'. Ah...that movie is wonderful! It is just a good solid 'make you feel great' kinda movie. So here I am in Seattle once again and not looking to leave anytime soon..I'm here to stay. I'm going to working everything out such as School, work, etc. all from up here. In other words I am not going to leave Kayleen again. I need to be around her and work things out as one rather than worlds apart..and separated. So here I am and I'm excited. This time around I am ready for what will come...and I gotta get my game face on. We had a wonderful day yesterday...it was nice and sunny as it is right now... yesterday in the afternoon Kayleen and I took a walk down the Edmond's Sea walk and just sat back and watched other catch fish...we also saw guys(and gals) crabbing, which was fun...only one person caught a crab..which wasn't over 6" long so they had to throw it back in...or did it have to be over 4"? I don't remember I over heard them for a split second and that was that. Others cause Starfish instead of crab which was way cool to see...they just looked like huge boogers that moved with like twenty little arms...ah it was awesome...I got kinda chilly later on but all in all it was great! Its funny that every makes fun of those dating shows when the contestant says, "I like long walks on the beach" cause it is way fun! I DO love long walks on the beach...combing the beach is way fun...one of my favorite things to do up here. It was kinda different to be walking on the beach in shoes though..and not be barefoot and free.

Ahhh the cleverness of me. Life is good. "Joy to fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and Me"

(Currently listening to Jeremiah was a Bullfrog by Creedence Clearwater Revival)

This is how the Moodys roll

2008-11-21T16:40:00.000-08:00

So my bags are packed and I'm ready to go..ha! So the past three days I have been preparing to leave and I finally got all I own...well not all...in my car and set and rearing to move back to Washington. This time for good...and wont be going anywhere without my girl! :) So all excited...I got my tunes for the trip...I'll be jammin to The Happies, Frances, We are Scientist, Ghostland Observatory, Ray LaMontagne, and the new Guns N' Roses(sweet)... then I'll pick some liquids for the right..some snacky snacks and then just kick back on Cruise control and just wait tell I'm to my baby! haha! Well I'll let ya know how it all turns out...so until then keep well and peace!

(Currently listening to The Un-American by Matt Morris)

So good I had to double post today

2008-11-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

Ok so this is just like Taffy in her younger years...or at least this is how I remember her to the T. Be prepared to giggle some. Enjoy
Annoying DoG

(Currently listening to Bullet with Butterfly Wings by Smashing Pumpkins)

Hard work

2008-11-19T15:04:00.001-08:00

So just thought I'd through this up there real fast. I was 'deep cleaning' the downstairs Apartment and cleaning out the fridge when after gutting out the inners of it all I noticed that there was room enough for a man...a ME sized man. And so I did the unstoppable. I crammed myself in there and shut the door and quickly snapped this pic. Man was I scared for not even a second...but it was fun. Funnest thing all day! Yay for mom.

(Currently listening to Accidental Babies by Damien Rice)

To every season turn turn turn

2008-11-17T09:23:00.000-08:00

So I haven't even been home a month and there are things that I've learned and there are alot of happy faces that I've seen since I've been here. I do love everyone here and people are nice and understanding. I may seem to be complete but I am not. Though there may be a smile on my face...my heart is slowly bleeding. I am missing my love, Kayleen. She is my better half.. and she is my everything. She makes me smile and laugh out loud...she makes me feel better about myself and helps me out in times of trouble. I love her. She is great, she fills me with joy.
And I wonder why it is exactly that I moved back to Utah and left her in Washington. the answer is simple. Men are stupid..and do not think logically. I love her, she loves me and I need to be there with her. We can work out problems together. School, work, future are all things that we can work through as one...its harder separate. So I talked with her last night and I am going to move back to Seattle to be with her and to grow together. She is amazing... and I love her for that.

(Currently listening to Necromancer by Gnarls Barkley)

lame days

2008-11-11T12:00:00.001-08:00

Well I guess the world wasn't kidding when they said we are at a downfall in our economy. I guess I'm the great benefactor to all of that. Oh yes...the life with no money and only debt isn't that the greatest?! We should all just be so grateful to be broke. "Its the best" as Nacho would put it. On top of it all trying to live your life with others telling you to live it otherwise. Sucky eh? no it gets worst. Think of all that stress on you and then trying to relieve that stress with a drive and getting pulled over. That is just the great ego lifter of all. Yet another person asking for money from me. yeah...but lucky I didn't get a ticket dude to excessive wetness running down my face. You can say it. I'm a baby. I don't give a crap things suck. But whatever...just try and breathe I guess. That's all we can do for free anymore, for now, ...breathe. I look at where I am now and where I was a month ago. I should have stayed in Washington. Live MY life. Not be pushed and poked to something lesser. Something that 'others' see fit. I just need to get away, get away and be around people who don't know me. People who will except me...who will laugh when I laugh instead of trying to criticize. That is whats for me

Seattle by pictures

2008-11-05T17:43:00.001-08:00

Photobucket Album

Rhyme and Reason

2008-11-03T18:40:00.000-08:00

To my surprise every time I pick up my guitar a new song comes out of it, a new song that I wrote. I have about half a dozen completed songs and alot more ideas for more songs. I like to imagine myself playing in front of a small group of people sipping their drinks and moving along with my rhythm. I am in love with the writing aspect of music. I just have always loved it. That was part of the reason over two years ago I sold my drum set. It was sad but I bought a guitar with that money and rather waiting to play with someone I am that someone who is creating those tunes. It just makes me feel like all my life is all together and I'm one. I would love to sit in a recording studio for a week or at least a day and put these songs down so I can keep them and that they're not lost. I would love it. I would love to see it from the audiences point of view too. These things just make me so excited. What makes me excited is that fact that I can share it with others. I have the chance to preform at a few local places. So I'll keep ya posted on that one. Make me feel calm and gives me that little smile that creeps on your mouth. Music is my passion, music is what beats my heart...what lifts me up! Music is love.

(Currently listening to Gold Lion by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

Anything you can do I can do better

2008-11-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

With it raining outside and nothing in the world to do or read or whatever there is always that one time that we do this. Take pictures of ourselves and this is exactly what I did. -Peace-

(Currently listening to A Lack of Color By Death Cab for Cutie)

My bags are packed and I'm ready to go

2008-10-30T18:24:00.001-07:00

Well here I am sitting on top of everything that I own and then some. Couldn't really believe that it all could fit snug in my lil old Honda accord. Shes a beauty! She's called the Black Stallion. :) She's a trooper! I've never thought I would be moving back from the place I grew to love, but here I am ready to move. I feel like the Grinch from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, when he is sitting on top of the sleigh of all the Who's belongings laughing and just about to peace out on the village. That is who I am for this weekend..I am the Grinch. :) Alls I need is alittle push..any helpers?

Soft as angel feathers

2008-10-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

There are many people today that deserve recognition...many debates and famous records being broken, but the most important of them all over all the rapid movements of the world is my mother. She had her birthday yesterday and she has never looked so young and eager. Thanks to her I will never have wonder what I am going to have for breakfast ever again...for the only breakfasts available to anyone in the world is the following

Monday: Cream of Wheat

Tuesday: Eggs and Toast and some yogurt fruit concoction that she overheard someone talking about in relief society.

Wednesday: French Toast (If we were lucky we'd be eating last nights hamburger buns with the seeds shaved off)

Thursday: Oatmeal (and to spice things up sometime mom switches Mondays and Thursdays meals to keep us kids always guessing)

Friday: The best...Cold cereal day

Saturday: Pancakes or Asia Pans! (Depends who wanted to cook..mom or dad)

Sunday: Another Cold Cereal day! Yes!!

So there you have it! These are the only choices that man has if he wants to have breakfast at any one point of his life! :) And you know that all of us kids are going to serving the same to our kids...or at least I will be for sure...Keeps one from wondering what we are going to have for breaky... "What are we going to eat this morning? oh..oh..what day is it? That's right it is Wednesday...that means French toast! yum!"

No I am grateful for my mom and for what she as taught me in my lifetime. She is so sweet and innocent, her touch is like an angels wing. I love you mom. And I am so glad you were born on this belayed day. There are few thoughts that go through my head without you or your influences attached. My mom also just recently got a job and hats off to her...she hasn't had an hourly job in years and I'm proud that she has taken this new turn and doing her part to help out! Love ya! So many good memories I have of you. Happy Birthday

(Currently listening to Drown Out by The Swell Season)

"All things go, all things go"

2008-10-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Well my time is being cut short up here in Washington. I just kinda hit a wall for myself...I really, for the first time, felt that I really need to go to school and finish up what I have started and prepare myself for what lies ahead. I'm excited, I can actually say that with confidence that I really am. Yes I am excited! I'm just going to push it through..if it be hard..I will do it. The hard thing for an individual to know is what he/she wants to do for the rest of their lives. I'd love to do alot of different things..not just be a one certain thing/person. That is why school is so hard for me. I can't just go and say...a writer..that is what I want to be...blah blah yadda yadda yadda. Or a dentist that is it. I just can't. I feel like I cant. The problem is that I would love to do a number of occupations and I'd enjoy doing them but I would not be making alot of money..and I want that to support me and keep me from worries..financially that is. I'd love to be a Marine biologist...work with the sea life...find new discoveries and twists in evolution. I'd love to be a chef..food is a passion of mine. I'd love to do just sit in the kitchen all day making delicious treats and meals! Radio Deejay, Musician, Pilot, Biologist, Meteorologist, journalist, and the list goes on. Why is it said that we must do one precise thing for a living...I just recently was wondering why I have had past jobs that I have had.

example- Golf course...I suck at golf..Its is fun but I'm not a huge golfer...Why wasn't I doing something that I was really interested in? Why wasn't I working at a used CD store as the manager? Why wasn't I working at a local rock climbing gym? Why wasn't I working at REI ten years ago!? All these questions I have no answer. I think we get in the mindset that we have to do something and that is the way life is and there is no other way around it. You do this..you do that...don't do what you like to do cause you are not smart and can't make money doing what it is that you like to do...blah blah blah.. We should look around and see what we can do that we REALLY enjoy not just say we enjoy and we should take that and try and make it a passion. Why can't someone who has a passion create songs or whatever and make money from it? If I say took six months out and just wrote songs on my own...I guarantee you I would have some pretty stellar songs..songs that may be even smiled upon by the record labels. Why is it that if I do that people and family members would say that my life is a waste? I wonder if parents said that about many of the famous artist that we enjoy? I bet alot of them did...If my son/daughter truly had passion for something I would encourage them...not look at it as horrible and try and stunt that passion. We should support those individuals that have a great passion for whatever and give'em a thumbs up and say right on! Good job! I dunno these are just a few things I have on my mind as of recent. As for now I say good day and always look up. Don't take the first persons advice if they say you can't...cause you can. Keep well! Peace :)

(Currently listening to Chicago by Sufjan Stevens)

Days gone by

2008-10-06T00:29:00.000-07:00

So I'm heading right on through my second month in Seattle and things are ever so up and down, funny how it goes. It really is different but interesting. I've walked through pikes place a few times and picked up an occasional ...uh.... dough like oriental foods...I just spaced out on the name but they are oh so good. I have tried catching a show at the show box but only seem to get into the coffee shop shows...something pretty interesting that I found out the other day was that sometime big names such as Eddie Vedder, or Dave Matthews will book an evening show in some small coffee shop under another name and then, what seemed to be an everyday show turns out to be a sweet up close and personal performance from main-stream singers. I'd love to see a show by Mason Jennings..that would be sweet. But anyway, life is grand but I seem to always get stuck in rush hour..and this isn't little SLC rush hour this is, "I'm going to be an hour LATE rush hour!" But I will hand it to the Seattlites they are good drivers. I haven't seen one accident since I've been here. In Utah on I-5 there was ALWAYS an accident people never paying attention...trying to out run the old granny next to them. Man Utah traffic is something I don't miss I'll tell ya that.
I have also encounter my insomniac stage of life again. I am really wide awake tell about 5AM every morning or until I do the alternative, which is sleeping pills.. so that is my constant sleeping aid. You would not believe the wind storms they have up here...amazing!! Its funny because Kayleens younger brother who I'm staying with gets so mad at the wind and thinks it is so annoying but I just laugh at him and as he is trying to shut the window I open it back up with a smile and tell him to enjoy it...cause one day it wont be there and he is going to miss it. He is in High school still and doesn't really understand that so he just shrugged it off and continued on being Mr "I know everything about life" high school boy. Whateve he'll one day turn around and see how dumb he acted and treated others. It is great living with the Calls though..they treat me so well, but I plan on bein outta their hair asap...I have a friend I might be movin in with soon so I'll see how that plays out.

...........................Seattle....................................

2008-09-03T20:29:00.000-07:00

So here I am a week into my future as I know it living in Seattle! Moving here is something that I have thought about and as of a year ago I had a job offer to work in Global Recycling and it just seemed to never go through...just getting postponed every month...and I felt sad and was losing hope every day cause it seemed apparent to me that I wasn't going actually move and that I would get stuck in the same-o-same-o life that is so popular in Utah County...It seems that my insides were screaming for change and having panic attacks cause of the 'rut' that I was in, in Orem... Well that is what I felt at least...that's not to say it isn't a good place ..it was just time for me to tap out.(side note...I'm listening to Free Radicals, Flaming Lips, really loud right now...and its making me smile!)
I have found more of myself piecing together when I am else-where, is that weird of me to say? I feel like it just works though with me..I feel that I am somewhere I can be me...and not feel that I gotta keep my feet moving fast before someone steps on my heels. Given that I am in love with starting a new. I have met a beautiful woman not too long ago that is just simply amazing in all aspects. I never knew that someone could care for me and love me as much as I am willing to give her. Love it! I cant help but smile cause of all the greenery and beauty that's everywhere here! I love the people and love that everyone is caring and not 'boxed' into their own lives. I love it when people are willing to just open up and talk...or turn and give you a familiar smile and loving look. There are so many things I wanna do and going to do here!! I'm looking forward to skiing at Whistler this winter! I cant wait! If I could sum it all up in three words, those would be... I'm in love.

The Roo

2008-09-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Bonnaroo here I come!

2008-06-07T22:26:00.000-07:00

So yeah I'm totally going to Bonnarro in three freakin days and I'm so stoked!! I'm stoked outta my gord! I dont even know what that means but Thats how excited I am. I'm going to be driving over with two friends from SLC and be in TN by wed night! Leaving TUesday! I'm going to be posting alot of pics on it by the time I get back so you can beat your sweet aces that It'll be dope and alot of reviews from me on here about it all! SWEET!! Peace and we'll see ya all on the lighter end of the road. Keep well!

I will laugh at these tell the day I die...

2008-03-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

Before you watch this, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for those of you that dont think this is funny...but some things just will never change with a person...and this part of me is what I live for...my favorite is the kid at the very end...my side still hurts from just thinking about it...I hope you enjoy this as much as I did...

Insane!

2008-02-21T05:37:00.000-08:00

SO I saw this last night and I HAD to post it today! This is an even better session with Carter Beauford. It is insaine what he can do. I know I have been posting alot of videos, so that is why this will be the last video for a little bit. Not saying they are bad or anything but yeah... Seriously...I am in constant awe what Carter can do on his Set...Crazy! I hope you enjoy this just as much as I do. They're playing the outro to Seek up

The Bro

2008-02-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

So I would like to take the time and give a shout out to my brother Dainon and all his goodness that he sorta has. This is him at his best! enjoy

and I save the best voice for last...

"Tell me how you really feel"

2008-02-19T11:59:00.000-08:00

If I were to have to describe with detail what Hell would be like, I know for a fact that it would include a 4X5 office cube with a printer behind and office supply...oh yeah and people yelling at you telling you want to do or not to do and go here and go there...ugh... Hell would be a lot like my job. I got jipped into my job. I actually feel a lot like my dog Daisy when someone waves a treat in front of her nose and then walk everywhere making her follow and she believing that she is going to get that treat. In other words I came into my current job believing I was going to get a lot of 'better' benefits, but I only found open-ended promises... my job sucks. I commute for nothing really. I want to quit everyday...and it’s just flat boring. I thought this would be great because I thought, I THOUGHT, that I wanted to go into marketing...I can tell you with confidence that is a big fat NO!! I'm sure I'd enjoy it a lot more if it weren't in the Hospitality industry, but it is and it sucks bad. So there is only to look ahead. Look ahead towards Seattle!! Yes! Working for my bro and living in Seattle. It'll be awesome! I'm really excited for that work and to start getting involved in his company. I was supposed to be there four months ago, but it has been post-poned tell June-ish. But I am still stoked about it...plus I won’t be working for/with 'A' holes like I am now... SERENITY NOW!!

Bonnaroo, SOC, Rothbury... oh my!

2008-02-19T05:27:00.000-08:00

K, so there have been very few things in my life that I have been STOKED to either do or experience...and most recently Bonnaroo is one of them. Had you asked me two years ago what it was...I would probably say it was an old TV show related to Zoobali-zoo. This year will be a blast for so many reasons but most importantly for umm I dunno ... freak'n PEARL JAM!!!! In the Mid ninties I told myself that there area few bands that I MUST see before I die... DMB, BB King, the Reds, and Pearl Jam. I will be going insaine! I am so excited. The only problem is the $...right now tickets are $209 and they'll go up anytime to $245...I think I will just start selling my organs on the blackmarket for so serious cash flow...Either that or win big in Vegas. I will be there...I mean I need to be there. I can hear it just calling me. It has to happen and somehow it will happen!! "Oh yes...she will be mine!"

And something that I am thrilled about that will be happening sooner is this. Seeds of Compassion. It is a five day peace awareness festival in Seattle, and 'I' will be there...of course not just me but with Whit and friends. I feel it will be great, on April 11 Dave and Timmy will be playing a show after Dave and the Dalai Lama sit down and talk about how music can bring peace to us all and peace to all nations. I think it'll be tight. I'm excited. PLUS!! it is super cheap to go to seattle now...so I say right on for heading North! If you haven't seen Tim Reynolds play...it is a must see. He brings a whole new meaning to truely 'KNOWING' your guitar. Check it out http://timreynolds.com/homepage/ He is amazing. Then you got him playing with Dave Matthews?! It is an amazing show. I saw a Dave and Tim show in Vegas in '05 and it twas SWEET!

Then there is a Festival in Michigan called the Rothbury. It'll have such bands as the Dave Matthews Band, 311, John Mayer, Widespread Panic, Modest Mouse, and much more. Check it out at http://www.rothburyfestival.com/ I'll try to make it to this one...but who knows...it again takes money moneies! ... Who's in with me?!

Ready...set...FIGHT!!

2008-02-15T11:02:00.000-08:00

So the battle of the movies have begun! You have Team Tard up first then we got Ash Your Trash up second...who will win?

................Or.................

Carter Carter Carter

2008-02-13T06:33:00.000-08:00

I tip my hat to one of the greatest drummers of all time. This man is who taught me how to handle the drums. Carter Beauford is playing here with Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. He is just a cool groovin' maniac on his set. This is just a taste of the phat solos he throws down. If you ever have the chance to go see him it'll totally be worth it. As drummer for DMB, he will totally steal the show and blow your mind. I'm stoked for this years tour. I already have plans to see alot of shows this year... the three night concert at the Gorge in Washington being some of them. Ugh..I want it to be summer already. I'm sick of this cold.

One for the Road

2008-02-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

Don't we just radiate Sexy?! Oh yes we do!! "Harry!... You've got that crazy look in your eye!"

Foggy Vision

2008-02-12T05:53:00.000-08:00

So normally in my everyday life I could care less about politics and their standing points and who did what and yadda yadda yadda. But a week ago today was Super Tuesday, and all I heard about that day was, Vote for him! ... Vote for her!! McCain McCain McCain!! So after hearing this all day I get home to find that my sweet ol' mum has the radio blasting with radio talk shows and the TV following the like polls. I don’t ever get involved but later that night I decided to sit down with mudda and watch a few speeches.
Now I'm not claiming to know everything but I do know a little about some of the candidates that are running. Example, Obama and Clinton are not for the war. Now, I don’t know about you all, but I am an American. What we have is freedom. What we breathe is freedom, and what we speak is freedom. This doesn't just grow on trees. This is a right that we and our grand-fathers and Great grand-fathers have fought for, and what we have are too many self-centered spoiled children of Uncle Sam that don’t understand that if Obama or Clinton pull the troops out that there will be more problems. That if something happens, Obama doesn’t want war. I feel that they will curl up and suck their thumb in a corner or lock themselves in a closet in hopes that whatever the problem is that it'll go away. We are a Country, and we have to fight for our country. If we have a weak leader as our president, how are we supposed to feel protected when the time comes? I'm not a huge fan of war, but I'd go if my country asked me to. Why? For our Freedom and the Freedom of our children...that’s why. I strongly believe that a lot of the voters today are blinded and have a blurred vision as to who America is and what we stand for. They are too self-involved in their ideas that they forget who we really are. We are Americans and we fight for the right to party! - Beastie Boys - These are just my thoughts. There are always Pros and Cons with everybody...nobody is perfect. I am undecided as to who I'd vote for. I'm not for any paticular party, and or candidite. I think we should just get all new runners and start voting all over again, with nobody that is currently running! Just take them all out and put in all new people and see if its any better of a selection.

Mind Blown!

2008-02-11T06:07:00.000-08:00

Many scenes in our modern day cinematic adventures have taken the high road and blown my mind. Such scenes have consisted of the aerial shots from Gladiator, powerfully thick drama that is given in A Few Good Men, and the killer connection that the audience has with Bambi and his daily struggles in his wee life. But about a month an a half ago I walked into Provos beloved movies 8 to see, Across the Universe. I had really no idea what to expect aside a few no-name actors singing remakes of the Beatles. I was blown away! Everything was perfect, not one thing was bad or out of place in that movie (except for the two back-up singers during "It won't be long" and one spazy Priest, but other than that...GREAT!).

The above scene is one of my favorites. For some reason I wanted to stand a applaud the movie when the soldiers are carrying the Statue of Liberty on their backs. It is so great how Julie Taymor, the director, just creates this entire storyline with these songs... very artsy and very moving. This is and will continue being one of my top favorite movies of all time!

......yes.......

2007-12-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

After so many repetitive nights and same routines my Kitty was able to break us free from that rut. I have once again found where my part of my heart truly is…art. It was always my dream growing up, to become a famous artist of some sorts, whether it be a cartoonist, painter, or even a photographer. I have had such a strong urge to create new points of creativity and views for people. There is only one person I have to thank for the rebirth for my urge to create and that is my babe Whit. Thank you!! These are just two paintings that we’ve done. The sweet blue one with light swirls is Whitney’s hand and the other one with the swirl sun is mine. I will post more when I get it do my computer.
How great is it to create a new life of colors with only your hands and mind!! I love it!

Ahhh... a buisness Christmas...umm good

2007-12-04T05:30:00.001-08:00

I'd like to be the first to send out a very Merry Christmas to you all from us here at Zermatt Resort and Spa!! We had the funnest time taking these pictures as you can tell... Judy (Santa) is the funniest lady I know!. She is a total Hippie and I love her for that. She reminds me a little of my own mother, yet with a more 'jolly, its all good' feeling toward everything. While picking her up she did mid-air splits, unintentionally of course and she started to scream/laugh, saying she isn't that limber no more. We all couldn't keep from laughing. It was a great day, to see our entire sales team riding the Carousel..ha ha it was great! Well again from me to you, have a very merry Christmas!

"On this Night on the Night on this Very Christmas night."

2007-11-30T08:32:00.000-08:00

“So this is Christmas!” Isn’t it sad when you get older that Christmas just seems ‘different’ the magic is always still there…but it doesn’t feel like it did when we were all kids huddled together waiting for the parents to wake up and tell us we could enter the family room and start opening presents. It is almost sad, though the inner-kid is kicking and screaming wanting Christmas to be as it once was. Though just sitting in my family’s house with all the wonderful Christmas decorations, does make things feel all better. Why is it that a certain carving of a figure makes us feel joy and excitement for that particular moment?! It great and I love it. Christmas is the best season of the year. I’m excited.

Ah the wonderful worder of Cyber!

2007-11-29T11:40:00.000-08:00

After so many times reading and re-reading my brothers and others blogs...I have decieded that I will begin my own. Dont know how often I'll be able to update, but that just incourages me to do alot more active activities. Such as running...Dainon you would agree with me there. Of course I am the "fat" brother out of us Moodys.... but I still hold on to the strongest.

Keep well!